


Random Conversation with our Favorite Characters!

by RascalJoy (DarkQuill)



Category: Avengers (Movies), Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Cheesiness, Crack, Gen, Humor, Randomness, fangirling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 26,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4774622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkQuill/pseuds/RascalJoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wonder what would happen if the Avengers and the demigods met? Utter chaos? Friendship? Or completely random, slightly out-of-character conversations that will simply crack you up? Welcome to the mind of a bored obsessed teenager! WARNING: Side-splitting laughter and shortness of breath may occur. Read at your own risk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fun Begins Now!

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-5-13
> 
> Hey everybody! Okay, so in order to make sense of this fic, you really need to read the author's notes at the beginning of every chapter. Each of the conversations (at least in the beginning) will have a story behind them, and it would make a lot more sense if you know the background, so bear with me.
> 
> Okay, this one is the first of its kind. It was written when my family had a failed launch attempt to a vacation. As in, one thing happened after another, and when we finally started out, we found that we'd left part of our luggage behind. So we had to turn around. On the way home, I typed out an email to my friend Oops. And this came out. The beginning sentence is the smallest excerpt from the first part of the email so that you know kinda where I am with this.
> 
> Also, Oops and I have a running joke about me having Hulk in my house. Just clearing that up!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Set soon after "Ironman 3" came out.)

I've been wanting to write a Percy Jackson/Avengers crossover fic, but writer's block is getting in the way of ideas.

Tony Stark: Hey! I don't think I want you controlling my actions. Just see what you've done to Hulk!

Me: I haven't done anything to Hulk. In fact, I'm regretting letting him into the house. He's smashed almost all my stuff.

Hulk: SMASH!

Me: See? There goes the stereo. Hulk! Knock it off and go to sleep!

Tony Stark: Like that'll happen. Anyways, you can't control me. I'm Ironman.

Me: No you're not. You blew up all of your suits.

Tony Stark: So? I'm still Ironman.

Me: You took out your arc reactor.

Tony Stark: ... Well, I'm still Tony Stark.

Me: You do realize that I'm controlling your speech and actions right now? So I suggest you be nice or I'll make you do something really embarrassing.

Tony Stark: You wouldn't dare. Pepper will kill you.

Me: Actually, Pepper is on my side.

Pepper: Hi, honey! I'm sorry, the thought of you dressing up like a chicken and doing the chicken dance in the middle of Times Square was just too good an opportunity to miss.

Tony Stark: *Gasp* Pepper, you to?

Pepper: Yep.

Captain America: And me. Sorry, Stark, couldn't resist seeing someone else be a personal monkey for once.

Tony Stark: Traitors! I thought you were my friends!

Annabeth: I'm your friend.

Tony Stark: Uh, who are you?

Annabeth: Your biggest fan. At least according to the moderator of this conversation.

Me: That's me!

Percy: No, it's me.

Me: No, it's me. And when did you get here?

Percy: Uh, when you wrote me in here. Duh.

Me: Oh, right. *Blush*

Grover: Enchiladas!

Percy: What does that have to do with anything?

Grover: I don't know, what does this long, pointless, cheesy conversation have to do with anything?

Me: It has to do with me being bored and writing garbage to keep myself occupied. Everybody get cozy, I might keep typing randomly until we get home.

Everyone: *Groan*

Tyson: Yay! I like funny lady!

Me: Uh, thanks?

Tyson: And peanut butter! I like peanut butter, and Ella, and Mrs. O'Leary, and my two brothers, and goat boy, and...(a bunch of other random things)

Frank: I still don't see how he thinks I'm his brother.

Percy: Well, it's better than you're being his great great great great-

Frank: Okay, I get it! Now what am I doing here?

Me: You're helping me cure my boredom through a cheesy conversation. Actually, what happened to everybody else? I seem to remember having a lot more people involved...

Grover: And satyrs!

Tyson: And Cyclops!

Me: Yeah, I get it.

Tony Stark: Okay, would someone care to explain exactly WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE?!

Percy: Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon.

Tony Stark: Hold up! There's Greek gods out there too? As if Norse wasn't bad enough!

Thor: Excuse me?

Tony Stark: Er, I just meant that your kind is so awesome I can't imagine you sharing power with like, Zeus.

Thor: You're right. I shouldn't have to share power with that insolent upstart. I shall go settle this once and for all! *Flash of lightning, a clap of thunder, and Thor disappears*

Me: Now look what you've done! Now he's going to invade Mount Olympus!

Percy: As if Romans weren't bad enough, now we have to deal with Norse.

Jason: I take offense to that!

Percy: That wasn't meant to be offensive! And besides, we have other things to worry about, like Thor invading Mount Olympus!

Jason: You're right.

Annabeth: For once.

Percy: Hey!

Jason: To Olympus?

Percy: Right. Vamanos!

Annabeth: Seriously, Seaweed Brain? Dora?

Percy: What's wrong with Dora?

Annabeth: I'm not even going to grace that question with an answer... *All demigods leave to Mount Olympus*

Captain America: Shouldn't we go help Thor?

Tony Stark: I suppose. Not that he needs any help.

Thalia: I take offense to that!

Tony Stark: Who are you?

Thalia: Thalia, daughter of Zeus, and lieutenant of Artemis. You just insulted my father, and therefore insulted me! Payback time! *Zaps Tony with lightning*

Tony Stark: *Collapses to the ground*

Captain America: You stopped his heart!

Thalia: He insulted my honor. Now I must join the others against Thor. *Thalia leaves*

Hulk: ROAR!

Tony Stark: Agh!

Captain America: You're alive!

Tony Stark: Yeah, miss me? Come on, I gotta go beat up a snobbish daughter of Zeus.

Natasha: Who's calling who snobbish?

Tony Stark: I take offense to that!

Captain America: Guys, shouldn't we go to Olympus now?

Tony Stark: Yeah, we should. Hey, does anyone know where Olympus is? *Silence* Right, just checking.

Director Fury: Six hundredth floor of the Empire State Building.

Tony Stark: It only has one hundred twenty-one floors.

Director Fury: Oh so you thought.

Captain America: Right, let's go everyone! *Everyone leaves*

Me: Oh man, now that everyone's gone, I can't do anything! Oh well, we're almost home anyways. So what did you think? I haven't even looked through this, and I don't plan to till tomorrow. This is what happens when I'm exhausted and bored out of my mind. I hope you enjoyed this cheesy, out of character conversation and I hope you are looking forward to the many that are bound to come in the future. Bye bye now!

Hulk: Shawarma!

Percy: And I thought Grover was random...

Me: What are you still doing here?

Percy: You brought me here.

Me: Right. Now begone! We're home.

Percy: Fine. *He disappears*

Me: BWAHAHAHA! Behold my awesome power! I can make characters disappear into thin air! Now I, myself, shall vanish! *Throws magical cape over shoulders and melds into the forest, Ranger style)

Halt: What the heck?

Me: Oops. Sorry, Halt. Your tree. Let's try this again! *Snaps fingers and uses the Mist to make sure no one can see me*

Rachel: I can see you.

Me: Crap. You know what? I'm just gonna go to bed now. Bye bye!


	2. Chickenman?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-6-15

You know, I think it's time for...ANOTHER EXTREMELY RANDOM CONVERSATION WITH OUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS! Today's cast: the Avengers! Tony, you're up!

Tony Stark: You've got to be kidding me. What am I doing here again?

Me: I am bored. Again. You're here to once again cure me of my boredom!

Tony Stark: Can't you cure your boredom without us?

Me: I probably could, but this is far more fun than anything else I can think of at the moment. And I'm a little more prepared this time. JARVIS, cue the theme music!

JARVIS: Right away, ma'am.

Me: See? I'm a "ma'am."

("Mary Had a Little Lamb" starts playing)

Me: What?! That's not the theme music, JARVIS!

JARVIS: Well according to my records, this is the only theme music under "Extremely Random Conversation with Our Favorite Characters."

Me: TONY!

Tony Stark: What? You left it on your desktop, so I decided to change up your files a little bit.

Me: Grrrrrrrrr. You know what? I let you go last time, but this is the last straw. Go get dressed in that chicken suit and go do the chicken dance in Times Square!

Tony Stark: What chicken suit? *Chicken suit falls on his head* Oh, that chicken suit. Anyways, you can't make me!

Me: Yes, I can. Now do it.

(Ten minutes later)

Me: JARVIS, turn on the television.

JARVIS: Right away, ma'am. Do you have a specific channel in mind?

Me: Look through the news. Something along the lines of "Tony Stark in a chicken suit." Oh look, there he is! Ooh, I love that headline: "Tony Stark: Ironman, or Chickenman?" Definitely Chickenman. Oh my gosh, he looks hilarious! Pepper! Avengers! Get in here!

Pepper: What is it? Oh... Oh my gosh. *Starts laughing hysterically*

Captain America: What is Stark doing?

Thor: I do not understand.

Dr. Banner: You know, I should have known Stark would do something like that sooner or later.

Black Widow: Yeah. Looks like Stark finally cracked.

Hawkeye: Like an egg.

Black Widow: Good one.

Fury: *Into walking talkie* Stark! What the heck are you doing? Get the crap out of there!

Tony Stark: Can't...stop! She's...controlling...my...actions!

Fury: *Whirls toward me* Is that true?

Me: Yeah. And you'd better be good, or else I'll have you join him.

Fury: You wouldn't dare.

Me: *Raises eyebrow* Oh, really? *Flash of light and suddenly Nick Fury appears on the TV screen with Stark, dressed and dancing like a chicken* BWAHAHAHAHA! Anyone else dare defy me? *Silence* That's what I thought. Okay, I've had my laugh, you guys can stop. *Nick Fury and Tony Stark collapse on the pavement in exhaustion*

Pepper: Thank you, that simply made my day.

Me: You're welcome!

Black Widow: Yeah, us too. Stark can be such a pain in the you know where sometimes.

Hawkeye: Yeah, Fury can be too.

Fury: I heard that!

Hawkeye: Uh oh, gotta go! *Black Widow and Hawkeye leave*

Tony Stark: *Storms angrily into the room* Oh, you are so dead. Do you realize how embarrassing that is? The press will never let me live this one down!

Me: Well, excuse me, Chickenman, but I wasn't the one who got drunk on my birthday party, peed my suit, blew stuff up, and beat up my best friend. If the press can get past that, you should be fine.

Tony Stark: *Sigh* Well, as long as it doesn't hit YouTube.

Dr. Banner: Too late.

Tony Stark: NO! I'm ruined! All of my self respect is gone! Everybody will think I'm... Hold it. A million views in the past HALF HOUR? Woohoo, I'm famous!

Me: You're already famous.

Tony Stark: So? Now I rock the YouTube world!

Dr. Banner: I will never understand your moods Tony.

Tony Stark: Good, that means I'm unpredictable.

Pepper: You can say that a thousand times, and it still won't match how true that is.

Tony Stark: Thanks...?

Pepper: That wasn't a compliment.

Toby Stark: I love you, too, Pepper.

Me: Okay, I'm getting a little tired of this, so I guess I'm wrapping up now! I don't think this is NEARLY as funny as the last one, but hey, worth a shot, right?

Percy: Of course it wasn't as funny. You forgot to bring me in.

Annabeth: Yeah, with all his stupid comments, he always lightens the mood.

Percy: Thanks...?

Me: You think like Tony Stark. He just said that.

Percy: Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment.

Annabeth: It wasn't. She's referring to the stupid side of Tony Stark, not the genius inventing side.

Percy: Oh.

Tony Stark: I don't have a stupid side!

Pepper: Yes, you do.

Me: Okay, okay! I was trying to wrap this up a little while ago, but Percy butted in! Hey, Percy, Annabeth, I didn't even put you on the cast list!

Annabeth: Well, if this is supposed to be a random conversation, you can't get much more random than popping people from a different world who aren't even on the cast list into the conversation.

Me: Good point. I'll keep that in mind for next time. Anyways, I'm gonna do something else now, so bye bye!


	3. He's Real!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-7-13
> 
> Okay, so basically I was supposed to clean the bathroom and do the dishes. And I didn't want to. So I decided to procrastinate by writing one of these in my email to Oops!
> 
> Also, at this point I was sending her a 'Record Breaking Email' while she was on vacation, so I would add another section to the email each day. Just clearing that up!

Yeah, within the next couple of days (or couple of sections in this email) you will probably end up with a...drumroll please...RANDOM CONVERSATION WITH OUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS!

Characters: NO!

Me: YES! And no one is going to stop me!

Tony Stark: I will.

Me: Do you really want to do the chicken dance again?

Tony Stark: ...

Me: Didn't think so. Now shoo! Go do my chores for me! In fact, all of you do my chores for me!

Percy: You're worse than Mr. D.

Me: EXCUSE ME?! Do I look like some sort of fat lazy person who is unconcerned about your welfare? I was practically in shock when I found out you and Annabeth fell into Tartarus! I've read and reread your books half a dozen times! I'm your number one fan!

Percy: Oh. Um, okay. What do I need to do?

Me: MWAHAHA! My favorite book character is under my control! Go clean the bathroom, please. That should be easy with your Poseidon powers. And the dishes. Annabeth can help you with those since you did so well in "Sea of Monsters." Don't worry, we use water.

Percy: Okay. (Goes off and does my chores)

Annabeth: Hold it! Why should I help you do your chores? I am a daughter of Athena! And I'm not even your favorite character!

Me: Whoa, slow down! I told Percy that so he would listen to me. You're my favorite character too.

Annabeth: Oh. Wait. YOU MANIPULATED PERCY? For Pete's sake, he's already been a pawn too many times! Give him a break, will ya?

Me: Oh. Never thought about it that way...Percy? You don't have to do my chores anymore.

Percy: Okay.

Annabeth: Thank you. At least SOMEONE respects us as human beings.

Me: Well, technically you don't exist and you're fictional book characters, but yeah.

Annabeth: What?

Me: Nothing!

Annabeth: What do you mean 'we don't exist'? Book characters? What?

Me: Well, you see, there's this AWESOME guy called Rick Riordan who wrote a series of books about this ADHD and dyslexic kid, aka Percy, in honor of his oldest son who was suffering from those same things. It was a series of five with an extra book of short stories and an information guide on the side. The second series is yet to be complete. The mean old guy ended the latest book with you two falling into Tartarus.

Annabeth: THERE'S A BOOK SERIES ABOUT US?!

Me: Uh, yeah. Two, actually. The first one's entirely from Percy's POV.

Percy: Uh oh.

Annabeth: (Whirls angrily on Percy) PERSEUS JACKSON! Where are those journals I told you to write?

Percy: Um...at a publishing office?

Annabeth: YOU JUST LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW OUR SECRETS, YOU SEAWEED BRAIN! KELP HEAD! *Starts screaming and cursing in Ancient Greek which will not be translated in order to protect our young readers*

Me: Percy? Those were your journals?

Percy: Um, yeah...Rick Riordan sounded like a cool pen name, so...

Me: YOU'RE REAL! I KNEW IT! *Starts laughing maniacally*

Percy: I'm just gonna leave now...

Me: No, wait! How'd you get out of Tartarus? What comes next? Do you defeat Gaea? Of course you do, you're Percy Jackson for crying out loud! PLEASE TELL ME! Wait, I don't want it spoiled so don't tell me! No, tell me! No...GAH!

Annabeth: Let's go, Percy. (Grabs a relieved looking Percy by the arm and yanks him away)

Me: *Sigh* Oh well, I think I've procrastinated as long as I can. None of the other characters decided to do my work for me. Betrayed by my favorite characters. (Goes and cries in corner)

Okay... Don't know what to say about that one... I was NOT planning on doing one of those today, but once I mentioned it, I just had to get the characters' reactions, you know? This one wasn't even funny, but that's the result of trying to procrastinate instead of being bored and tired. Oh well, tell me what you think anyways. I'll probably continue this email later today, but for now, singing off! Gotta do my chores now. Crap. Literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part was the end of the email, by the way. And yes, I did accidentally write 'singing off' instead of 'signing off.' Sometimes I really hate spellcheck...


	4. Hephaestus TV?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-8-13
> 
> So I wrote this on the same day as the previous one, and sent it to Oops in the same email. I had all ready finished most of my chores at this point, so I was pretty happy :) See? Smiley face!

Yeah, I'm bored right now. And procrastinating. And tired. Should I do another one of those unmentionables-because-I-don't-want-to-accidentall y-start-one-because-they-will-respond-if-I-mention -it kinda things? Nah, the last one wasn't funny at all, and I can't think of anything at the moment, so yeah. I need to find another way to cure my boredom.

Percy: You know, I knew what you meant.

Me: You did?

Annabeth: *Gasp* Seaweed Brain actually figured out something?

Percy: Haha. Anyway, you don't find us entertaining anymore? That hurts.

Me: That's not what I meant! I just mean that I'm not in the mood to do something funny, and I don't want to bore my friend to death. And wait, you like it when I make you do ridiculous stuff?

Tony: Oops. Bad call, Aquaman, you're going to regret that.

Me: Stark, I'm warning you.

Tony: Shutting up.

Percy: Wait, what?

Me: I made him do the chicken dance in Times Square for messing with my computer files. Speaking of which, JARVIS, cue the theme music!

JARVIS: Right away, ma'am.

(Really awesome theme song starts playing)

Me: Now that's what I'm talking about! Announcer!

Announcer: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: it's time for another round of "Random Conversations With Our Favorite Characters"! Today's contestants are: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Thor Odinson, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Grover Underwood, Jason Grace, Piper McLean, Frank Zhang, Hazel Levesque, and Leo Valdez! (Everyone mentioned appears on stage)

Grover: Um, what are we doing here?

Percy: Dude, you've been here before.

Grover: I have?

Percy: Yeah. Although last time, the only thing you ever said was "Enchiladas."

Grover: Oh. Oh no, don't tell me we're...

Percy: Yep.

Me: Sssshhhh! He's about to announce me!

Announcer: And here's your amazing host, RascalJoy!

Me: (Struts on to stage) Yo, peoples! That's what I'm talking about! (Goes and stands at podium) Now you all know how this works, but for you newbies, I'll explain it again: I am very bored, and in order to cure my boredom, I have, ahem, invited, you all to have a cheesy, OOC discussion with me, your number one fan! Sitting in the audience are all my lovely readers...well, at the moment, reader, who will be watching you all make complete fools of yourselves! This program is brought to you by Hephaestus TV! Let's get started!

Percy: Hold up. Two things: one, aren't you making a fool of yourself already? And two, Hephaestus TV? The gods are WATCHING?

Me: You bet they're watching. And you'd better watch your tongue, Jackson, or I'll send you up in an airplane.

Percy: (Turns pale) Okay, ma'am. No airplanes. Please? (Gives me the adorable baby seal eyes)

Me: Aaaawwww! Of course, no airplanes if you don't want to. And yes, I know I'm making a fool of myself. That's what happens when I'm bored.

Tony: Noted.

Me: Stark.

Tony: Right.

Thor: What is going on? I do not understand.

Tony: Seriously? Like Percy said, you've been here before.

Thor: Oh, right. That was a strange day.

Piper: Well, I haven't been here before. Have I?

Me: No, I don't think so. Let's see... Hazel, Leo, and Piper have never been mentioned before. Welcome to the stage!

Hazel: Um, thanks.

Piper: I hate stages. It's bad enough my dad's an actor. Can I leave now?

Leo: Oh come on, Beauty Queen, this'll be fun! Now everyone can see how awesome Leo Valdez is!

Piper: (Punches Leo on the arm) Do NOT call me Beauty Queen, Repair Boy.

Leo: *Pouts* Well if I can't call you Beauty Queen, you can't call me Repair Boy.

Jason: Oh give her a break, Leo.

Leo: Okay. Sparky.

Jason: Hey!

Percy: Dude, if you think that's bad, how would you like to be called Seaweed Brain on a daily basis?

Jason: Good point.

Annabeth: You got a problem with that, Jackson?

Percy: No no! I like it, it's fine. Please don't kill me.

Me: Hold up, guys, the Avengers haven't had much time to talk yet! You guys are totally hogging the spotlight!

Leo: So? Hey! I just realized something! Hazel and Frank are the only one's that don't have nicknames!

Frank: Uh, I'm good.

Hazel: Me too.

Leo: Nonsense! You're not officially part of the seven until you have nicknames! Let's see...

Me: Okay, Leo, enough! Give the others a chance.

Tony: Yeah, you're hogging MY spotlight.

Clint: Since when was it YOUR spotlight?

Tony: Since I said so.

Steve: Really, Stark?

Tony: Uh, duh. You knew my dad, didn't you? It runs in the family.

Steve: Your dad was much more respectable than you.

Tony: Excuse me?

Me: No arguments now, Tony. And Steve's right. Your father was a little wacky, but not nearly as psycho as you are.

Tony: Oh yeah? What about you? You're wacked too!

Me: Yeah, but I have an excuse. My dad is totally wacky, wackier than me. My whole family is crazy. You? You're crazier than your dad. So HA! In your face!

Tony: Crap, she's got a point.

Steve: You lost me.

Thor: I do not understand.

Tony: You say that a lot, Point Break. You too, Capsicle.

Natasha: Well you don't exactly make it easy on them, Stark.

Tony: What? It's not my fault they're both so out of it.

Bruce: Time bomb.

Tony: What the heck?

Me: Stark, you happen to be insulting two of my favorite characters. I suggest you shut up.

Tony: I thought this was a 'random conversation with our favorite characters.' That means I am your favorite character too.

Me: Crap. I should've known you would figure that out sooner or later.

Tony: Seriously? I knew from the beginning. It's in PLAIN ENGLISH in the TITLE. It's kinda hard to miss.

Me: Good point.

Annabeth: Yeah, even Seaweed Brain here figured it out.

Percy: Figured what out?

Annabeth: (Face palms) Figured out that we're all her favorite characters, genius.

Percy: Well duh. She announced it at the beginning of this conversation, and she basically told me to my face that I was her favorite character in the previous one. Hold up: two random conversations in one day? That's got to be some kind of record.

Me: Of course, silly! I've only ever done one in one day. In fact, one a week or longer! Now I've done two in one day. I must be bored.

Percy: You said you were procrastinating.

Me: That too.

Percy: Okay. Just checking.

Hazel: Would someone please explain what is going on here? Is this some sort of popular thing they do in the modern age?

Me: Nope. It's one of a kind.

Steve: Wait, did you just say the 'modern age'?

Hazel: Uh, yeah.

Steve: As in you're not from this time period?

Hazel: (Blushes) Um, no. I died back in the 1940's. My brother, Nico, brought me back to life a few months ago. Why?

Steve: I'm from back then too. I got frozen for around seventy years.

Hazel: Wow. My brother came from way back when too. He and his sister got locked in a magic hotel where time has no meaning. His sister's dead now.

Steve: Oh. So, who's kid are you?

Hazel: I'm a daughter of Pluto. Nico's a son of...Hades, I think.

Steve: Wait, aren't Pluto and Hades the same god? Just Roman and Greek? And what do you mean, you 'think'?

Hazel: Well, he was born Greek, but when I met him he was faking Roman. So, yeah, I guess he's a son of Hades. Or Pluto. Or both.

Steve: I'm confused.

Percy: Welcome to my world.

Me: Okay, okay, as much as I'm glad you guys are getting to know each other, this is losing it's charm. Where's the wit? Where's the drama? Where's the funniness?

Tony: I could make this a lot more interesting if you would stop threatening me to do the chicken dance.

Me: *Sigh* Fine, you can talk. But if you go too far, I'm warning you...

Tony: YES! Okay everyone, start talking and I'll make sarcastic, demeaning comments about your sense of style.

Everyone: ...

Tony: You guys are no fun.

Me: Well, my mom's awake now, so it's only a matter of time before I'm found out. Okay, everyone, take a bow! This round is now over!

(Everyone bows and walks off stage)

Me: Tune in next time to find...well, I'm not sure yet, but just read on! I'm sure another one of your favorite conversations will be coming in the very near future! But for now, adios!


	5. Speechless!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-9-13
> 
> So this is the third and last one that I sent in the 'Record Breaking Email.' Really not anything else to be said.

So...tempted to do one of the unmentionables, but you're probably getting tired of them. If you don't like them, let me know and I'll stop writing them :)

Percy: NO! Don't stop! I like learning about the other characters!

Me: You do?

Percy: Yeah. Don't tell Stark, but I think he's pretty funny.

Tony: HA! Take that! HE thinks I'm funny! Why don't you?

Me: I do. You're just mean to the other characters.

Annabeth: Oh, don't worry, Clarisse is worse.

Clarisse: Ha! I'm worse than Stark! Wait, who's Stark, and where am I?

Tony: You've got to be joking. You don't know who I AM?

Clarisse: Some dude with a big head and an enormous narcissistic problem?

Tony: No! Though that is true... I'm Tony Stark!

Clarisse: So? I'm Clarisse La Rue.

Tony: *Stares at her, dumbstruck* Y-you've never heard of ME?

Clarisse: No. Should I? And we've been over this already, haven't we?

Tony: *Continues gaping like a fish*

Me: Hurray, Clarisse! You actually got him speechless!

Clarisse: I am awesome. Can I leave now?

Me: Anyone who can make Tony speechless is held in the highest respect in my book. Yes, you may leave.

Percy: What about me?

Me: Um...no. You're too fun to have around to let you go.

Percy: Thanks!

Annabeth: That was a compliment, and an insult at the same time, Seaweed Brain. She complimented your humor—why, I'll never know—but she also said she won't let you leave because of it.

Percy: Oh...well I can't help my sparkling personality and crack humor. That would make it hard for her to let me go, wouldn't it?

Annabeth: (Slaps Percy upside the head) Seaweed Brain!

Percy: Ow...

Me: Well, I'm done for now, so you guys can go!

Percy: Yay!

Me: Wait, I thought you said you liked these?

Percy: I like learning about the other characters. I don't like being part of them myself.

Me: Well, you and Annabeth are the only one's who have been in ALL of the conversations so far. Your point?

Percy: Um...never mind.

Me: Well, this one was really boring. I'm SERIOUSLY losing my touch. Oh well, bye bye now!


	6. Happy Birthday, Percy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-10-13
> 
> Okay, this is BY FAR the shortest one ever. It's just a little tribute to Percy on his birthday! :D Yes, I know his birthday is on August 18, but in my defense I sent this to Oops on the right day. I didn't have an account then, and I hadn't even thought I would be publishing these.

Another thing: IT'S PERCY'S BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PERCY! :D

Sing with me, will you?

Happy birthday to you  
Happy birthday to you  
Happy birthday dear Percy  
Happy birthday to you!

Wow, I didn't realize that the happy birthday song was so short... Oh well! You get to eat cake faster that way!

Percy: Yeah, my mom's blue birthday cake is amazing.

Me: I wouldn't doubt it. Hey, you're here! Happy birthday! You turn twenty-one today :D

Percy: What?

Me: Well, you were twelve when your first series came out, then a book has come out every year since. You know what, you're technically nine years old. Happy ninth birthday!

Percy: Uh...thanks...?

Annabeth: Happy birthday, Seaweed Brain. Tyson insisted that we make you another blue cupcake.

Percy: You mean brick?

Annabeth: Excuse me?

Percy: Nothing! Thanks, Wise Girl.

Me: Well, I'll leave you guys to it. Bye bye, now!


	7. To the Heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-11-13
> 
> So, there was a documentary on TV today regarding the construction of the Freedom Tower in honor of 9/11. So I decided to email my friend Oops with another conversation. Unfortunately, today is just too serious to put much humor in there. I hope you'll forgive me.
> 
> P.S. All of the architecture and building facts I got from watching the show for five minutes. Impressive, huh?

In honor of 9/11, I am going to try and write another random conversation. No guarantees it'll be funny.

Percy: It's so sad. Those terrorists striking the twin towers with passenger planes? All of those innocent mortals were killed!

Annabeth: The passengers in the fourth plane were heroes. They crashed the plane in a field before it could reach its target. They sacrificed their lives to do the right thing.

Percy: Kinda sounds like the Titan War, huh? Selena, Beckendorf...

Tony: What Titan War?

Percy: Last summer. Island of Manhattan. A week before the alien invasion.

Tony: Seriously? How did we not know about it?

Percy: Because of the Mist. Can we change the subject? I'd rather not talk about it.

Tony: What the heck is the Mist?

Percy: An invisible veil that hides the Greek world from mortals' sight.

Tony: Oh.

Percy: And besides, Kronos put all the mortals in the city to sleep so he didn't have to deal with them.

Tony: Who now?

Percy: Never mind...

Tony: Well, anyway, I donated several million dollars to the construction of the Freedom Tower this morning! (Spreads his arms wide). Aren't you proud of me? *Crickets chirp in the background* Okay then.

Annabeth: The architecture for that building is AMAZING! Apparently they're placing a concrete skeleton beneath the walls, to prevent the events of 9/11 from happening again. They're actually building the tower on top of some of the ORIGINAL fortifications of the twin towers! They also are placing two of the seventy ton iron tridents saved from the twin towers, and placing them as a reminder of the twin towers and their twininess, or something.

Percy: For once, I think I actually understood that.

Annabeth: Yeah, they're doing a whole documentary on the progress of the tower on TV right now. It's actually very interesting. Some of the elevators will be going up to twenty-three miles per hour!

Percy: Wow. That's pretty cool.

Tony: Hello? I'm still here, you know. And I've got something to add. *Clears throat dramatically* They saved several of those seven story iron tridents, and placed them in an airline hanger. They placed LESS THAN ONE PERCENT of them in there, and it completely filled the hanger wall to wall!

Percy: Wow, that's pretty neat. And tridents? Nice touch!

Annabeth: Oh, Seaweed Brain.

Captain America: What's 9/11?

Percy: You don't know?

Captain America: Uh, no. I believe I was in the ice when it happened.

Tony: Okay, Capsicle, here's the rundown: there were these two towers in New York. They were called the 'Twin Towers' because they were exactly alike in every way. Then a bunch of stupid terrorists decided to take control of four commercial aircraft filled with innocent people, and bomb multiple US buildings. They even had the nerve to do it on September 11, mocking our 9-1-1 emergency dial. They crashed the first two planes on the twin towers. Everyone onboard the planes were killed, with hundreds of casualties in the towers. The third plane they crashed into the Pentagon. Once again, none of the passengers survived. The last plane was headed across the country, its assumed target being the White House itself. But the passengers on the plane fought back. They managed to take control of the plane, and land it in an empty field in Pennsylvania. No one survived, but they were viewed as American heroes. The total death count was 2,996, including the nineteen hijackers. Injuries? Too many to count.

Captain America: That's horrible! How'd they get away with it?

Percy: They didn't. They paid with their lives.

Captain America: But still. Killing all those innocent people? What was the purpose of that? And committing suicide to complete the task?

Percy: Nobody knows why people do stuff like that.

Tony: Things have changed in the last seventy years, Cap. And not everything for the better.

Pepper: Wow, Tony. That was actually intelligent.

Tony: Are you saying I'm not intelligent?

Pepper: No. I'm just saying you usually don't say anything smart that's unrelated to science and robotics.

Tony: Okay...

Captain America: I say we honor those who died today. Not counting the nineteen terrorists, of course.

Tony: I second that. Get everybody in here, and we'll have a toast.

(Everyone from Camp Jupiter, Camp Half-Blood, SHIELD, and the remaining Avengers appear)

Pepper: Tony, most of the people here are minors.

Tony: Crap. Let's use...chocolate milk!

Percy: Sure, why not?

Frank: Um...I'm lactose intolerant.

Hazel: Here, you can have orange juice instead.

Frank: Thanks, Hazel.

Tony: (Stands, his chocolate milk glass raised high) I propose a toast to the heroes of 9/11 for sacrificing their lives for the good of the country! Also to all the heroes in this very room who fight at such a young age to save the world. And no one even knows about them. To the heroes!

Everyone: To the heroes!

(Everyone drinks from their glasses)

Me: *Sigh* I know this isn't funny, but I just can't find any humor in what happened today. Sorry, guys.

Tony: I'm good with that! I don't like doing the chicken dance.

Me: *Raises eyebrow* Oh? JARVIS! Cue the music!

JARVIS: Right away, ma'am.

(The Chicken Dance starts playing, and everyone starts dancing; except Tony)

Tony: NOOOOOO! It's horrible! I can't stand it! (Runs out of the room screaming)

Me: Yeah, I decided to let the characters take over this conversation. Though I'm sure you don't mind. I just felt like doing a little something to honor the heroes of today. Well, see you next time with a hopefully funny conversation!


	8. What's Up With Tony?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-14-13

Percy: Wow. We're getting popular.

Annabeth: You think, Seaweed Brain? Four reviews for the last chapter! That's a new record!

Tony: Of course those reviews would NEVER have happened if I wasn't involved. As everyone knows, you simply can't have a decent party without me!

Percy: That last statement was a little old fashioned for you... And I've had PLENTY of decent parties without you, thank you very much. I don't think I'd even WANT to have a party with you.

Tony: (Stares at Percy in shock) Why WOULDN'T you want me at your party?

Percy: Um...

Rhodey: I can name a few reasons: every time you have a party, you get so drunk, you can barely stand. Your last birthday party, you peed your suit, and started firing repulsor rays at random. You could've injured somebody! And then you go and try to kill me!

Tony: So you finally decided to join us, Rhodey. And, for the record, I wasn't trying to kill you. In order to do that, I'd have had to destroy my suit. And I couldn't do that.

Rhodey: Um, you just blew up ALL your suits. And you're worried about one prototype?

Tony: Touché.

Percy: Wait. You tried to KILL him?

Tony: Haven't we all ready been over this? I WASN'T TRYING TO KILL HIM! He's like my best friend.

Percy: And you get drunk every party? I'm underage.

Tony: Man, you don't know what you're missing.

Percy: Um, total oblivion to everything around me and what I'm doing? Madness? Our camp director is the god of wine, and just having him around is more than enough alcohol exposure for me, thank you very much.

Tony: The god of wine? Dionysus? Your camp director? That is SWEET! I wanna meet him! Please!

Percy: We call him Mr. D. Names have power. And he isn't so great.

(Thunder rumbles in the distance)

Tony: Um, Thor, was that you?

Thor: No, man of iron. That was not me.

Percy: *Rolls his eyes at the sky* Oh come on, you know it's true!

Tony: That was Dionysus?

Percy: Yes. Please stop throwing his name around like that.

Tony: Oh? I take that as a challenge. Dionysus! Dionysus Dionysus Dionysus!

Mr. D: What the Hades is that mortal yelling my name for?

Tony: *Gapes like a fish* You—you're the wine god?

Mr. D: You got a problem with that?

Tony: No, sir, it's just—just such an honor to meet the creator of alcohol. I love how you create madness and how you created wine and turn people into dolphins—

Percy: *Gasps and splutters* Wha—?

Tony: You're a little pudgier than I would have expected you to be, but that's probably because you're constantly in a hangover being the god of wine and all—

Percy: Not a good thing to say...

Tony: But I still think you're awesome!

Mr. D: *Looks stunned* Oh. Um. Yes, I am awesome aren't I?

Annabeth: Oh my gods, I think I'm gonna puke.

Rhodey: Tony? Actually thinking someone besides himself is awesome? Somebody get me a camera!

Pepper: You're kidding me. He is? Here's my phone!

Rhodey: Thanks. (Starts filming)

Tony: Wow, can you give me some tips? Like, the best wine for a turkey dinner, the best for breakfast—

Percy: You drink alcohol for breakfast?

Tony: Of course. Now stop interrupting. Also, the kind I can drink the most of before passing out.

Mr. D: FINALLY somebody appreciates my sphere of power! Well, mortal, the best all around wine is... (Starts explaining different kinds of wine)

Tony: JARVIS, record!

JARVIS: Right away, sir.

Pepper: Um, I don't think this is a good idea...

Rhodey: I don't either. But how are we supposed to get him away without offending a god?

Percy: You can't. Although, I've offended enough gods in my lifetime, ESPECIALLY Mr. D, and I'm still alive. Don't ask me how.

Rhodey: How?

Percy: I just told you not to ask... All I can say is luck, friends, distractions, Poseidon is my dad, and I've saved Olympus one and a half times.

Rhodey: Your daddy is Poseidon? And you've saved Olympus? One and a half times? What's that supposed to mean?

Percy: Um, yeah, Poseidon is. He would get REALLY mad if one of the other gods killed me. And yes, I've saved Olympus one and a half times. And...um, ask the author what that means.

Me: Finally! You guys are taking over! Anyway, he's saved it one and a half times: once from the Titans, and the half time because we ALL know he's going to do it, but he hasn't necessarily saved it yet in the second book series. I think I'm gonna die before "House of Hades" comes out... Percy, please tell me?

Percy: My lips are sealed.

Me: GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! What a world, what a world! (Slowly sinks to the floor as if melting)

Percy: Um...okay, then...

Me: (Stands up and brushes off clothes) Well, I'm almost finished with my prediction of "House of Hades." I'm gonna try and get it up by next weekend.

Percy: Oh, dear. What did you do to me?

Me: *Grins evilly* You'll find out soon enough.

Percy: Oh man. You didn't kill me did you?

Me: Of COURSE I didn't kill you! Why would I do that?

Percy: Because you like torturing me.

Me: Touché. But I'm not killing you. Rick Riordan would NEVER do that, and I wouldn't either!

Percy: I already told you that Rick Riordan is me. The old guy who signs the books and has his picture on the inside flap is a mist form my friend Lou Ellen from Hecate cabin created for me.

Rhodey: What's a mist form?

Percy: Basically a form made out of mist.

Rhodey: That clears things up...

Me: Oh, he's a mist form? He's a MIST FORM?! YEEEESSSSSS! That's the last bit of proof I need! YOU'RE REAL!

Percy: Haven't we been over this all ready?

Me: Yep. Which means this is getting repetitive. I better stop now before Tony gets too many more bad ideas from Mr. D. The next conversation might get interesting... Well, until next time! See ya, guys!


	9. Guess What Today Is!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-18-13

Me: Hello, everyone! Today is a very special day for two of our favorite Percy Jackson characters! See if you can guess. I'll give you thirty seconds.

(Jeopardy theme song begins playing)

Me: Have you guessed yet? No? Shame on you! I'll give you a clue: the two characters are Percy and Annabeth.

Grover: Oh! I know what today is! It's—

Me: Sssshhhhh! Grover, the readers are supposed to guess! I know YOU know, but I want to see if THEY know!

Grover: Okay.

Leo: What's today?

Jason: Uh, September 18?

Me: No! Besides that!

Piper: A month after Percy's birthday?

Me: True, but not what I was looking for. Hehe, Percy thought the same thing the first time this happened.

Percy: What?

Jason: Hey, Pipes, since when did you know Percy's birthday?

Piper: Pretty much everyone at camp knows. It's kinda the day the Titan War ended.

Jason: Oh.

Me: GAH! I told you guys to be quiet! Okay, I think you guys have had long enough! What is today?

Tony: Tony Stark day?

Me: TONY! I said it was a special PERCY JACKSON day, not Avengers day! And I said the characters are Percy and Annabeth! Now shut up or else I'll make you do something more embarrassing than the chicken dance.

Tony: And what would that be?

Me: Not sure yet. I'll figure something out. Okay, that's it! Here's the answer: it's Percy and Annabeth's four year and one month anniversary! Woohoo! Sing it with me, y'all!

Happy anniversary to you  
Happy anniversary to you  
Happy anniversary dear Percabeth  
Happy anniversary to you!

By the way, it's in the tune of the Happy Birthday song if it isn't obvious.

Percy: What's Percabeth?

Me: It's your couple name. You know, Percy plus Annabeth equals Percabeth. I usually don't like couple names, but it fits better in the song. Can you imagine having to say, "Happy anniversary dear PercyandAnnabeth"? Talk about difficult!

Percy: Okay then...

Annabeth: Wait a minute. If you don't like couple names, how did we get one?

Me: Some fan made it up. Don't ask me, I don't know who it is.

Annabeth: Fan? Oh yeah, Seaweed Brain let our secrets out to the world. You owe me BIG for that one, Jackson.

Percy: It wasn't my idea!

Annabeth: Oh yeah? Who was it?

Percy: Um...I can't tell you.

Annabeth: Why not?

Percy: Let's just say I got blackmailed.

Annabeth: Excuse me? How could blackmailing convince you to publish all the secrets the blackmailer was threatening to tell people anyway?

Percy: *Pales* Never thought about that.

Annabeth: *Facepalm* Kelp Head!

Me: *Holds hands up in timeout gesture* Hold it! Break it up, people! This is supposed to be your four year and one month anniversary, and you two are wasting it by arguing!

Annabeth: Technically, we haven't even reached our one year anniversary according to the book timeline—

Me: Seriously? After me going through all this trouble of writing a random conversation for your special day, you go and say I'm not accurate? That hurts. *Sniffs loudly*

Annabeth: No, I didn't mean it that way! I'm just saying it really isn't our anniversary—

Me: Well, we're celebrating it anyway. It's kinda hard to stop now after spending all those drachmas on party fav— (Claps hand over mouth)

Annabeth: What was that? Party favors?

Me: Um, no. I was just saying...um...farty flavors! Yeah, that's it!

Annabeth: *Looks suspicious* Why would you buy farty flavors? What are those things?

Me: Um, you don't want to know. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you might not want to go into Camp Half-Blood at the moment.

Percy: Why?

Me: Um, they're kinda having a little trouble with the latest shipment of monsters in the arena.

Annabeth: WHAT?!

Percy: We gotta help them!

(They both run for Camp Half-Blood)

Me: *Chuckles evilly* Perfect! (Jogs after them)

(Percy and Annabeth burst into the arena)

Percy: Hey, where is everybody?

Everyone: SURPRISE! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

(Balloons float up from the floor, rockets shoot streamers around columns, and a whole bunch of confetti falls from the 'Argo II' hovering above)

Annabeth: What?

Everyone:

Happy anniversary to you  
Happy anniversary to you  
Happy anniversary dear Percabeth  
Happy anniversary to you!

(They start cheering)

Annabeth: Again with the Percabeth?

Percy: Gosh, guys. This is great!

Tony: You guys have been together officially longer than Pepper and I.

Percy: Agh! How'd you get here?

Tony: Chiron let us in for today only. Great, huh?

Percy: Yeah...great...

Tony: And by the way, I think Percabeth is cool. Real catchy.

Percy: Thanks...

Annabeth: Hey, Tony.

Tony: *Raises an eyebrow* What?

Annabeth: Tony plus Pepper equals Pepperony. Ever think about that?

Tony: *Pales* Holy crap.

Percy: (Stares at Tony in disbelief) You guys are a PIZZA TOPPING?

(Everyone starts cracking up, besides Tony)

Tony: I'm just gonna go find Dionysus now. (Walks off)

Percy: Hey, Tony! Mr. D would be in the Big House.

Tony: So?

Percy: It's the other way.

Tony: Right. I knew that. (Turns around and begins walking the other way)

Piper: Congratulations, guys!

Percy: Thanks.

Annabeth: Hey, Rascal.

Me: (Looks up from pizza) Huh?

Annabeth: Why'd you sing to us earlier if you had this planned all along?

Me: First of all, I didn't plan it. The Aphrodite cabin did. Second, I didn't want you guys to think I forgot, and get suspicious. I mean seriously, every single surprise party in books and movies start with the recipient of the party thinking everybody had forgotten about them. They get all sad, blah blah blah, and at the end of the day, when they're going to bed all dejected, BOOM! Surprise! It's so cliché!

Annabeth: Good point. Nice thinking.

Me: Thank you! Oh, one more thing. (Glances suspiciously to either side to make sure no one's listening, then leans in close) We made sure the party only lasts till just before sunset. That way you and Percy can have a little *ahem* alone time down at the beach. *Winks*

Annabeth: *Blushes* Oh, thanks.

Me: *Smiles brightly* You're welcome!

Jason: (Taps a spoon against a glass) Um, hello everyone. (Glances nervously at Piper who nods reassuringly. He clears his throat) I would like to propose a toast to two very dear friends of mine. Without them, none of us would be here today, at least in friendship. Without them, we could never have united the Greeks and Romans, closed the Doors of Death, or defeated Gaea.

Me: YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS! I knew you would do it! Uh huh, oh yeah! (Starts dancing on the table)

(Everyone stares)

Me: (Stops dancing and innocently drops down onto seat) What are you all staring at?

Jason: (Shakes his head as if to clear it) Anyway. (Raises his glass) To Percy and Annabeth!

Everyone: (Raises their glasses) To Percy and Annabeth! (They all drink)

Unknown: WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

(Everyone whirls around to find Dakota waving his glass around wildly)

Dakota (previously Unkown): KOOL AID! Let's get this party started! (Leaps onto the table I had previously abandoned and starts singing)

Kool Aid  
K-O-O-L  
Helps me to rock so well!

Me: Yay! The Kool Aid song! (Jumps onto table with Dakota)

Dakota:  
I like Kool-Aid  
(Sing it girls)

Me:  
Aaaaaaah!

Percy: Er, since the narrator is a little preoccupied at the moment—

Dakota:  
No caffeine  
In my spleen

Me:  
Nothing in my liver  
To make me quiver

Dakota:  
Kool Aid helps E-Rock deliver

Percy: Um, yeah. I guess I'll be wrapping this one up. So...thanks for attending me and Annabeth's—

Annabeth: Annabeth's and MY.

Percy: *Rolls his eyes* Annabeth's and my anniversary party. See you next time!


	10. Happy Birthday, Pepper!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-27-13

Tony: Okay, everyone, listen up! I need some input with...uh...something secret!

Percy: Like what?

Tony: Well, it's...Pepper's birthday today. I...need...*starts gagging*...help.

Rhodey: Tony Stark? Admitting he needs help? Okay, who's the genius who has actually gotten Tony to humble up a little?

Me: Me!

Rhodey: You have GOT to tell me your secret.

Tony: Shut up, Rhodey. So, I need present ideas. I was just going to give her another giant bunny—

Rhodey: THAT was a stupid gift.

Tony:—but I don't want to have to tear down that same wall again. It let in quite a draft last time. Then again, my entire house was destroyed anyway—

Percy: Excuse me?

Tony:—but at least I got insurance money.

Steve Rogers: Now I'm confused...

Tony: You're always confused, Cap.

Steve: Thanks...

Mr. D: Did someone say they need help with party planning?

Percy: NO!

Tony: YES! You came! Okay, you can do refreshments.

Mr. D: As a general rule, I don't like helping.

Tony: Aw, come on!

Mr. D: But I'll make an exception.

Tony: (Fist pumps) YES!

Annabeth: Oh...my...gods. Mr. D, HELPING?

Mr. D: Excuse me, I'm a VERY helpful person.

Random satyrs: Yes, of course, sir, whatever you say, sir.

Percy: *Snorts*

Frank: But you just said you didn't like... (Stops when he sees Annabeth shaking her head violently) Uh, never mind.

Tony: Okay, off topic! Who wants to do decorations?

Leo: Oh, oh, pick me! (Starts jumping up and down with his hand raised)

Tony: Let's see...how about Leo?

Leo: Woohoo! I've been wanting to try out my fireball light strings for days! (Runs out of the room)

Tony: Wait, what?

Percy: You shouldn't have put him on decorations. He'll probably set booby traps all over the place. And that's if you're lucky.

Tony: Eh, I'll put DUMMY on cleanup. But he usually makes things worse anyway...

Piper: What kind of party is it? Do you want a costume party? Something similar to a prom? Or do you want to have a one-on-one romantic evening over your namesake, Pepperony pizza?

Tony: Excuse me?

Piper: Daughter of Aphrodite, at your service! And seriously, you shouldn't wear a T-shirt covered in machine grease to your girlfriend's party. Kinda a turnoff.

Tony: I wasn't planning on wearing this.

Piper: Oh? Then go get dressed! What time did you want the party to start? Do you want a moonlight extravaganza? A sunset getaway?

Tony: I'm getting confused...

Steve: See? I'm not the only one!

Tony: Shut up, Steve. And I was thinking about having it at around six, then stretching it on as an all-nighter.

Piper: Does she like all-nighters?

Tony: Um...

Piper: Whatever, we'll figure it out. It's currently ten minutes to six.

Tony: Holy crap! There's no way I can get everything done in time.

Piper: Go get dressed. We'll take care of everything.

Tony: *Looks doubtful* Are you sure?

Piper: Yes, of course! Lacy, Mitchell, help Mr. Stark find something decent to wear, please.

Lacy: Yay! (Starts bouncing up and down) Okay, let's see...what's Pepper's favorite color? We'll make sure it's on your tie! You know, I've always wanted to be a fashion consultant when I grow up. (Starts talking animatedly about a bunch of different styles as she and Mitchell drag a confused Tony Stark down the hall)

Steve: Are all children of Aphrodite like that?

Percy: Most. Piper is actually the least girly of the bunch, and that's saying a lot.

Piper: Are you calling me girly, Jackson?

Percy: No! Oh gods, that came out so wrong... I just meant SOMETIMES you can be quite the Aphrodite kid. Like when it comes to making a party for someone else's date. Hypothetically speaking.

Piper: *Rolls her eyes* Whatever, Seaweed Brain.

Percy: *Looks offended* Excuse me?

Thalia: Oh come on, Kelp Head. You know it's true. Annabeth gave all of us license to call you that, provided that we all know that you're HER Seaweed Brain. Which is fine, since I'm totally not interested. You're a Kelp Head anyway.

Percy: Gee, thanks. How come these always turn into pick-on-Percy sessions?

Me: Because you're my favorite character, and I like making you suffer.

Percy: I feel so loved.

Annabeth: You'd better, Seaweed Brain.

Percy: This is getting annoying. I have a name, you know.

Thalia: Oh, we know, Perce, we just don't like using it.

Percy: Perce? Seriously, I am NOT a woman's accessory.

Thalia: Could've fooled me.

Piper: Um, hate to interrupt, but we've got FIVE FRIGGIN' MINUTES TO GET THIS PLACE IN ORDER!

(Everyone jumps)

Leo: Hey, Beauty Queen, no need to go all mean old ogre on us. I'm all ready done!

Piper: *Grins evilly* Good. Because that means I don't have to worry about who'll put up the decorations once I kill you for calling me a Beauty Queen and a mean old ogre.

Leo: *Pales* Oh, crap. (Runs down the hall screaming with Piper in hot pursuit)

Percy: Um, should we help him?

Jason: Nah. He'll live. Hey, Percy, could you help me get these ornament thingies on the fountain?

Percy: Sure.

Annabeth: I'll set up the tables. Let's see...we can fit about fifty tables with eight people each if we shove all the furniture out of the room. (Starts talking about a bunch of math related stuff and directing people on where to put the tables)

Me: This is getting boring. When are we gonna start this party?

Steve: Technically right now.

Me: We don't even have the guest of honor yet! Who can trick Pepper into coming down here?

Natasha: I can.

Me: Okay, go!

Natasha: *Looks at me incredulously*

Me: Um, could you please go get Pepper?

Natasha: Of course. (Goes off to find Pepper)

Me: Where's Tony? He should've been here by now!

Tony: (Appears at the top of the stairs dressed in bell bottoms and a shirt with a V-neck so low, it's more of a vest. His hair is slicked back with too much gel, his shoes are covered in gold glitter, and he looks grumpy). Okay, please tell me this doesn't look as stupid as I think it does.

(Everyone starts laughing)

Connor Stoll: (Snaps a picture) Blackmail!

Travis Stoll: Totally.

Tony: Gee, thanks. I demand a different dresser.

Piper: (Exits the hallway, sees Tony, and looks disgusted) Holy Aphrodite! Lacy! Mitchell! What is he WEARING?!

Lacy: Um...Mitchell's idea! I told him that Tony should wear the bright pink sports coat with the blue-and-purple spotted tie, but he just had to go with an Elvis/Michael Jackson look!

Mitchell: Excuse me? I said Tony should wear the yellow pantsuit with the black-and-white striped tie—

Piper: Oh my gods, enough! I'll dress party boy!

Jason: That sounded so wrong.

Piper: *Blushes cherry red* Oh gods. I mean I'll pick out his clothes, not... Oh, let's go! (Grabs Tony's hand and drags him back down the stairs)

Leo: (Pokes his head around the corner) Ith the gone?

Percy: Yep.

Leo: Doog. (Steps into the room, his nose gushing blood and his one eye black). Thomeone got any ambrothia?

Jason: Holy Zeus, Leo. Be more careful about what you call Piper. Next time she'll break your arm or something.

Leo: Ya think?

Will Solace: Here, I'll fix him up. (Drags Leo to the infirmary)

Pepper: What's going on in here?

(Silence)

Me: Um...happy birthday?

Everyone: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy birthday to you  
Happy birthday to you  
Happy birthday dear Gwyneth  
Happy birthday to you!

Pepper: Who's Gwyneth?

Me: Oh, she's the actor who plays you. It's her birthday today. I don't know your birthday, so I'm using hers! And we're waiting for Tony to get here so we can sing it to you as a character.

Pepper: Uh, thanks? What actor?

Me: Never mind!

Annabeth: Ignore her. She's got this weird idea that we're all fictional characters.

Me: Hey! That's not true! I—

Tony: Here! (Runs into the room with Piper at his heels. He's dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and bright green tie)

Percy: Now THAT looks decent.

Tony: *Scowls* This is what I normally wear.

Percy: It suits you.

Jason: Bad pun.

Percy: Well, no pun intended.

Me: Okay, everyone, from the top! One, two...

Everyone:

Happy birthday to you  
Happy birthday to you  
Happy birthday dear Pepper  
Happy birthday to you!

(Confetti shoots up from the floor and balloons fly everywhere)

Pepper: Oh, thanks, you guys! You shouldn't have!

Clint: Are you kidding? You're a great gal, Pepper. We wouldn't forget you on your birthday.

Natasha: *Glares at Clint* I beg your pardon?

Clint: *Pales* Uh, that's not what I meant, Tasha.

Hermes: (Appears in room) Did someone here order a birthday cake?

Annabeth: That would be me, Lord Hermes.

Hermes: Uh huh. Sign here. (Hands her a pad and pen)

Annabeth: (Signs) Hello, George and Martha.

Martha: Hello, dear.

George: (Coughs up a beautifully frosted birthday cake) There you go. Straight from Peeta's bakery.

Annabeth: Who's Peeta?

Hermes: Oh. Um, you don't need to know. You might meet him here soon, but he won't fit into this category. You can only make crossovers in two sections.

Percy: That made no sense.

Hermes: Wasn't supposed to. Now I've gotta go! I've got one hundred more packages to deliver before midnight. (Disappears)

Pepper: Um, did that snake just cough up a cake?

Percy: Yep! Who wants a slice?

(No one answers)

Percy: Okay, all mine then.

Annabeth: (Slaps him on the arm) Oh for Zeus's sake, Percy. Guys, trust me, it's fine. Perfectly sterile.

Leo: Eh, why not? I'm hungry!

Me: Okay, everyone, I'll leave you to the party! Unfortunately, I've got some work I need to do, otherwise I would make this longer. Bye now!


	11. I've Almost Died More!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 9-6-13
> 
> I typed everything but the last few sentences on my dad's iPhone.
> 
> The beginning part is a little bit of the random typing I was doing before I decided to just write a conversation.

This is fun for no good reason at all. Texting is very addictive. Just saying!

I want an iPhone! Only for texting and cellular/wifi usage, not because I like talking on the phone :P

Technically, this thing is charged, but I don't want to give it back just yet. I'm enjoying this too much.

Tony: Yeah, you kinda are. Seriously, how is texting addicting? It's so overrated.

Me: Excuse me? How's it overrated if everyone in America likes it so much?

Tony: It's called, 'Get an AI.' They are so much better.

Percy: What's an AI?

Tony: Artificial Intelligence.

Percy: ...Meaning?

Tony: Dude, JARVIS is an AI.

Percy: Oh. I like real intelligence better.

Annabeth: You'd better, Seaweed Brain.

Steve: Not everyone can afford an AI, Tony.

Tony: Seriously? They can just build one!

Steve: Not everyone has the...er, knowledge how to.

Tony: ...Hey. That must mean I'm a genius! Well, I already knew I was a genius—

Annabeth: Why are you talking about yourself in the past tense?

Tony: I was?

Annabeth: You just did it again.

Percy: Gah! Is he another one of those creepers who escaped the Underworld? Thanatos! You missed one!

Tony: Who's Thanatos?

Percy: The god of death.

Tony: I thought Hades was the god of death.

Percy: No, Hades is the god of the Underworld.

Thanatos: (Appears in room) I do believe I've gotten everyone on the list, Mr. Jackson.

Percy: Well, isn't there a way you can check to see if he's dead?

Thanatos: *Studies Tony cynically* Yes. I can scan him, I suppose. I sense that he's alive, but it wouldn't hurt to make sure.

Tony: Excuse me! I am NOT dead!

Percy: *Grins evilly* Like he said, it wouldn't hurt to check.

Thanatos: (Black iPad appears in his hand out of thin air, and he proceeds to scan Tony with the added scanner)

Tony: Hey! Hello? Isn't anyone listening to me? I am VERY much alive!

Thanatos: It would appear he is correct in that assumption, though he has come very close to death quite a few times.

Tony: *Snorts* A FEW? I'd say at the very least a couple dozen.

Percy: *Raises an eyebrow* Is that all? Lucky.

Tony: And I suppose you've almost died more?

Percy: That sounded weird. Anyway, yes, I have.

Tony: Wanna bet?

Percy: This is a bet you're bound to lose.

Tony: Okay, let me see...

Me: Hold it! We have to make sure neither of you are lying about the times you've almost died.

Percy: Hey!

Me: I don't mean you, Percy. I trust you. I don't trust Stark.

Tony. I take offense to that!

Me: You were supposed to. So, I say that we have the god of death—who is conveniently already here—list how many times each of you has almost died.

Tony: Hey, but won't he show favoritism since he's Greek and so is that little twerp?

Annabeth: I will gut you with my knife if you call my boyfriend a little twerp again. He is NOT a twerp, and he's certainly not little.

Tony: Whatever. One point for me on the 'how many times I've almost died' scale.

Annabeth: I doubt one point will help you much. The newest kids in our camp have probably nearly died more times than you in your entire lifetime.

Thanatos: Can we get on with it? There's some monster souls I have to go get before a son of Hermes gets overwhelmed.

Tony: By all means, go on.

Percy: And hurry! Please.

Thanatos: Stark, you have almost died... (Checks iPad) 325 times.

Tony: Ha! Beat that, Jackson.

Percy: I don't want to, but I think I will.

Annabeth: I can't believe you guys we competing over this.

Tony: No, we're betting! Oh wait...neither of us said an amount! Okay, I bet...five thousand dollars!

Percy: I bet infinity.

Tony: You haven't got that much.

Percy: No. But that's how confident I am that I'm going to win.

Tony: Then you have to pay me your entire salary for the rest of your life.

Percy: Fair enough.

Thanatos: Excuse me? We done chatting now? Okay, good. Percy has almost died...

(Random drumroll)

Percy: Leo!

Leo: What?

Percy: No drumroll.

Leo: Nah, I think I like the drumroll.

Percy: Whatever.

Thanatos: Shut up! Okay, Percy, you've almost died... (Stares at iPad and raises eyebrow) 10,973 times.

Tony: *Mouth drops to the floor*

Percy: Okay, that's a little more than I thought.

Steve: How...?

Percy: Well, if you count all the random monster attacks at school, all the capture the flag games, all the quests, all the battles, all the fights, all the gods that have wanted and have tried to kill me, and the two wars, it kinda adds up.

Tony: That—that can't be right! I demand a recount! There's NO WAY you could have almost died that many times!

Annabeth: I still can't believe you guys are arguing over something as stupid as this.

Steve: Give him the money, Tony.

Percy: Yeah, Tony. Give me the money.

Tony: (Grumbles and hands over the money)

Percy: Yes, I'm rich!

Annabeth: And what exactly do you plan on doing with that money, Seaweed Brain?

Percy: *Blushes and looks away* Er...maybe buy something for...um...someone?

Annabeth: *Raises an eyebrow* Like what for who?

Percy: Um...

Thanatos: Good-bye. I do believe that son of Hermes would appreciate it if the monsters would stay dead. (Disappears)

Annabeth: Wow. I didn't know death looked like that.

Percy: I know, right? Buff Cupid.

Annabeth: Excuse me?

Percy: Nothing. Inside joke.

Me: Well, unfortunately, I'm gonna have to wrap this up. See ya'll next time!


	12. House of Hades Is Here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 10-8-13

Me: "HOUSE OF HADES" CAME OUT TODAY! EVERYONE, IT'S TIME TO PARTY!

(Everyone randomly shows up and begins dancing like crazy to "Celebration Time" with a disco ball)

Me: Celebration time, come on! Sing it with me, ya'll!

Everyone:

Celebration time, come on!

Me: You know, those are pretty much the only lyrics that song has... Oh well! Okay, everyone, you can stop now.

(Everyone stops)

Percy: Why would we stop partying? I like partying.

Me: It's because it's time for me to rant. Okay, who's got a timer?

Tony: I've got one on my phone.

Me: Okay, time me.

Tony: Why?

Me: Because I say so.

Tony: That's what Pepper always says...

Me: Tony.

Tony: Fine. Ready when you are.

Me: Okay. Ready. Set. Go. OH MY GOSH IT IS SO NOT FAIR! I know there are A LOT of people out there right now who have a copy of the freaking book in their hands! I DON'T! My mom said I might be able to get one today, but it hasn't happened, and even if it did happen, she has to read it first! And, if I'm lucky, I'll have it by this Saturday. But that's the day of our first bible quiz! You know what that means? No? Well, it means that we're gonna be out of the house from about ten in the morning to about four in the afternoon! So I won't even get to TOUCH it until after the quiz! GAAAAAAAH! I've never been jealous much before, but I am flat out envious of every single one of you who's lying in bed reading pure awesomeness right now. Ugh, so NOT FAIR! Okay, Tony, I'm done now. How long was that?

Tony: Three minutes.

Me: I rule.

Percy: Think about it this way: if you don't get to read it till Saturday, you won't have to deal with the horrible cliffhanger that's bound to be at the end for as long as the others who are reading it now.

Me: Good point... But I have to deal with the previous cliffhanger longer!

Percy: Touché.

Me: Wait a minute... The cliffhanger that's bound to happen... PERSEUS JACKSON! Did you leave ANOTHER cliffhanger?!

Percy: Um...what will you do if I say 'yes'?

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! I HATE YOU!

Percy: *Looks hurt* You do?

Me: No...not really. But still! I can't believe you'd do that to me! *Starts crying*

Annabeth: You might want to save your tears for the book itself.

Me: What? Why? Oh my gosh, please tell me nobody dies!

Percy: Somebody's got to close the Doors of Death.

Me: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Shut up! All of you, just SHUT UP!

Percy: I'm just saying—

Me: (Puts fingers in ears) La la la la la la la la la! I'm not listening!

Annabeth: That's immature.

Me: Well I don't want you guys to keep spoiling the book for me!

Percy: Um, about a month ago you were practically begging me to tell you what happens next.

Me: Right. That was then, this is now. I've changed. And I wasn't begging! I was asking...sort of.

Annabeth: Whatever you say.

Me: Hey, be nice! I'm gonna be back in a few days ranting about "House of Hades," and I still have full license to make you do embarrassing stuff!

Annabeth: You wouldn't dare.

Me: You're right, I wouldn't.

Tony: Then why'd you do it to me?

Me: You're not intimidating.

Tony: I find that offensive.

Me: You were supposed to. Oh yeah, I've had the "House of Hades" cover art as the lock screen on my mini ever since it was first released! Oh my gosh, Percy and Annabeth, you look so scared, tired, beat up, dirty—

Annabeth: We get it. Please stop.

Percy: Bad memories.

Me: Oops! Sorry! So, I probably shouldn't bring any more characters in just in case they die right? Oh my gosh, does Leo die? Please don't tell me he closes the Doors! I wouldn't be able to stand it!

Percy: Wait, you're more worried about Leo than me?

Me: Well, yeah.

Percy: That hurts...

Me: Oh no, that's not what I mean! I'm just saying that Leo has a MUCH bigger chance of dying than you and Annabeth. Seriously, you guys have been here from the get go. If Rick kills you off, there'll be mutiny.

Percy: How many times do I have to say that RICK is ME?

Me: Sorry! You know what? I'm bringing in every single character in Heroes of Olympus right now. That way I can play with them before I know if they die or not. I mean, talk to them. Yeah...

(Everyone from the 'Argo II' appears)

Nico: Um, where are we?

Piper: Not this place again...

Leo: Yay! I like it here! Oh, random thought! Frank and Hazel DO have nicknames! Hazel, you're 'Miss Metal Detector,' and Frank, you're 'Beast'!

Hazel: Oh, I remember that...

Frank: Percy! Why did you tell Leo about that?

Percy: I didn't!

Leo: Nope, he didn't. I read the book.

Frank: What book?

Percy: *Face palm* Here we go again. (Explains about the book series)

Frank: There's a BOOK SERIES ABOUT US?!

Leo: Technically, you're only in two of the books, Frank.

Frank: Well, so are you!

Leo: Well I'm mentioned in the third one. Several times, actually. Percy, did you really dream about me? I find that creepy...

Percy: *Face palm*

Me: Nico! Hey, Nico! I want you to talk a lot!

Nico: Why?

Me: Um...because...well...I'mthinkingyou'reoneofthemos tlikelytodieinthenextbook.

Nico: Come again?

Me: I think you're one of the most likely to die in the next book. My theory is you're the recipient of the line 'An oath to keep with a final breath' because you promised Percy you'd lead the others to the mortal side of the Doors. And I'm thinking you might close them...either you or Leo... Actually, I think there's a good chance Annabeth will be left on the other side. The more I think about that idea, the more I like it. I'm actually writing a fic about that theory, also using that whole episode in which Frank is supposed to help Percy put duty before his friends kinda thing.

Annabeth: Ooookay?

Percy: Gah! Nico! Take back your promise! I won't let you die!

Nico: You're getting a little overprotective, Percy.

Coach Hedge: Did someone say protective? I'm the most protective protector there is! Where am I?

Me: Welcome to randomness. And if you're the most protective protector around, how did Percy and Annabeth land in Tartarus?

Coach Hedge: ...

Me: Sorry, that was mean.

Coach Hedge: Apology accepted. We sure did a good job, though, didn't we? Gaea—

Everyone: Ssssssssshhhhh!

Coach Hedge: What? Can't I proclaim my—our—victories?

Percy: No. Rascal doesn't want it to be spoiled.

Coach Hedge: Oh.

Me: Leo! You need to talk a lot too!

Leo: ...Why?

Me: Um...no reason.

Leo: Fine. I will DOMINATE this stage!

Arion: *Whinnies angrily*

Percy: Arion! Shame on you!

Leo: Um, hello, horsie. What are you doing here?

Me: Oh, someone requested him. Besides, I'll think he'll fit nicely here.

Arion: *Whinnies indignantly*

Percy: Ouch. Hazel, seriously, get me some saddle soap, will you? Anyways, he—more or less—said that he doesn't want to be here.

Me: Why ever not? Hehe, that sounded old fashioned.

Arion: *Whinnies*

Percy: Arion! He said he's a free spirit. Doesn't like to be controlled.

Leo: Here, I've got a translator for him! Now we can all hear what he's trying to say!

Percy: NO! Don't—

(Leo puts translator on Arion)

Percy: —do that.

Arion: Finally! Now all of you *beep* can understand what the *beep* I'm trying to *beep* say! First, *beep* you all—

Hazel: Gah! Get it off, get it off, get it off!

(Percy yanks translator off of Arion)

Arion: *Whinnies furiously and tries to bite Percy*

Percy: Bad horse! Stop it! I can still understand you, you know!

Hazel: Arion, how could you say such things?

Leo: Why'd you take it off? I was learning some pretty good words!

Arion: *Continues to whinny*

Percy: Oh my gods, Hazel, get me a muzzle! Or get him out of here! Arion! I'm ashamed to be related to you with a tongue like that! Your mouth should have burned out by now with those fiery words of yours!

Annabeth: That almost sounded...poetic.

Percy: That's it! (Opens the door and Arion darts out triumphantly) Sorry, Hazel. I couldn't stand it anymore.

Hazel: That's okay. He was being a *beep.*

Frank: Hazel!

Percy: Wow. You spend WAY too much time with that horse, Hazel.

Leo: Woohoo! There's hope for you yet!

(Blackjack swoops in open door)

Percy: Hey, Blackjack! Finally, some good company!

Me: Are you saying we're not good company?

Percy: No. I just mean compared to Arion.

Hazel: Hey!

Percy: Sorry. It's true. Leo, you can put the translator on Blackjack. I've never heard him cuss before.

Leo: Okay. (Puts translator on Blackjack)

Blackjack: Phew! Thanks, elf. Hey, boss! Now everyone can understand me! I can tell them all the stories I've told you, and they won't mind because they've never heard them before!

Percy: Um, that's okay, Blackjack. Save your breath. And stop calling me boss.

Blackjack: Whatever you say, boss. But I don't need to save my breath. I've got plenty to spare! By the way, got any doughnuts?

Percy: For once, yes. (Hands Blackjack a doughnut)

Blackjack: Thanks, boss! (Eats doughnut) Mmm, that hits the spot! Now let me tell y'all about the time boss here saved my sorry hide. I used to be on Luke's ship, you see, the 'Princess Andromeda.' You all know what that is, right? Heard of the Titan War? Well of course you have, you're demigods! Anyway, boss stormed the boat with Annabeth and that goat boy and—

Annabeth: So that's why you always go crazy when he's around.

Percy: Yep.

Me: So, I probably should get going now. I've got a TON of stuff to do this week, and I haven't even started. See you guys soon!


	13. The Demigod Rap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 10-17-13
> 
> Hello, guys! Well, I wasn't planning on publishing another chapter until after I read HoH, but the song in here began to form itself in my head at 2:30 this morning. It drove me crazy until I typed it out. Before I realized it, I was starting to type the beginning of a conversation. By the time I finished, it was 3:45am. I seriously hope you guys like this because I also had to go to co-op today... Ugh, I am so TIRED right now...

Leo: 'Sup, y'all? So, we weren't technically gonna be back until Rascal over here read "House of Hades"—

Me: I'm gonna die before I do!

Leo: Um, yeah. But we, the demigods, just realized that the Avengers don't quite realize what we do yet. As in, they—*cough* Tony *cough*—don't appreciate just how much we demigods have to deal with on a daily basis. So I put together this little song thingie. I don't have all the lines worked out yet, but I'm sure something will come up. Prepare for random ADHD moments! Oh, and nobody knew I was planning this until just now. Hehe. The singers are: the demigods of the Seven, Thalia, and Nico.

Percy: Um, Leo? Have you even heard me sing?

Leo: It's a rap, Percy. You talk, you don't sing.

Percy: Okay then...

Piper: Leo.

Leo: What?

Piper: You gave us lyric sheets.

Leo: Yeah. So?

Piper: We're dyslexic.

Leo: Right. But it's supposed to be random, so just say what you see, and roll with it. Everybody ready?

Everyone: No.

Leo: Okay, let's go! Hey, moderator, could you get us to Stark Tower, please?

Me: Aw, so polite. Of course! (Snaps fingers and everyone appears in Stark Tower)

Tony: Hey, what are you guys doing here?

Leo: *Clears his throat* We have a little musical prepared for your entertainment. It's just to show you how freaking awesome we are, and how much our lives suck. Ready?

Everyone: No!

Leo: Cue the music! Oh, by the way, I added an extra lyric verse before the chorus so I could get all our names in.

(Something that sounds suspiciously like Taio Cruz's "Dynamite" starts playing)

Leo:  
Name's Leo Valdez dez dez dez

Piper:  
Piper McLean, back from the rez rez rez

Jason: (Points at Leo)  
Jason Grace, just doing what he says says says

Nico and Thalia:  
Nico and Thalia, we ate Pez Pez Pez Pez

Percy:  
Name's Perseus Jackson son son

Annabeth:  
I'm Ann'beth Chase, child of Wisdom dom dom

Hazel:  
Hazel Levesque, wondering what's goin' on on on on

Frank:  
Fin'lly, Frank Zhang, how is this fun fun fun fun?  
Yeah yeah

Leo:  
'Cause this is gonna rock

Percy:  
More than when the Fates knit socks  
Yeah!

All: (Points at Frank)  
He shoots his arrows in the air sometimes  
Saying ay-oh, die hellhounds, yo  
Turn them to dust and just to pass the time

Annabeth:  
Singing ay-oh, enjoy the break, bro

Percy:  
And I'll go to work  
On the last Fury

Leo:  
I am Captain Kirk!

Piper:  
Singing randomly

All:  
Welcome to the life  
Of a demigod  
Even with the pain and strife  
We will beat the odds

(Mrs. O'Leary appears and pretends to be vicious)

A voice that sounds suspiciously like Clarisse:  
We've come to kill kill kill kill  
And when we're done, we'll eat our fill fill fill fill

Tony:  
That couch is expensive, please don't spill spill spill spill!

All:  
Time to crash, that is until 'til 'til 'til

Leo:  
'Cause this is gonna rock

Percy:  
More than when the Fates knit socks  
Yeah!

Thalia:  
I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes  
Saying ay-oh, die hellhounds, yo  
Turn them to dust and just to pass the time

Jason:  
Singing ay-oh, enjoy the break, bro

Nico:  
And I'll go to work  
On the last Fury

Leo:  
I am Captain Kirk!

Hazel:  
Singing randomly

All:  
Welcome to the life  
Of a demigod  
Even with the pain and strife  
We will beat the odds

Percy:  
I'll destroy them all, I'll  
Show 'em that I can't be beaten

Jason:  
Send 'em where they belong  
Cowering in the dark, those cretins

Tony: (Jumps up on couch)  
'Cause I'm so cool  
I'm so awesome

Leo:  
Just ignore him  
He's acting like a fool  
Acting like a fool  
Acting like a fool

(Music solo)

Frank:  
I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes  
Saying ay-oh, die hellhounds, yo  
Turn them to dust and just to pass the time

Hazel:  
Singing ay-oh, enjoy the break, bro

Thalia:  
And I'll go to work  
On the last Fury

Leo:  
I am Captain Kirk!

Nico:  
Singing randomly

All:  
Welcome to the life  
Of a demigod  
Even with the pain and strife  
We will beat the odds

(Everyone takes a bow while Avengers look awed)

Clint: That was actually...good.

Leo: Of course it was, I was directly involved, which brings us to our next question—

Tony: My line...

Leo: Tony! I can't believe you butted in like that!

Tony: I filled in a couple lines, didn't I?

Leo: ...But you still ruined it! Demigods only!

Athena: Who says he's not a demigod?

Leo: Gah! Oh, uh, Lady Athena, didn't see you there. Um... What do you mean?

Athena: Tony is a legacy of one of my daughters and a son of Hephaestus. Tada! I claimed him. Don't expect anything more from me. (Disappears)

Steve: Tony...is a god?

Percy: No. He's the children of two half-bloods, which makes him...a half-blood? Okay, I have no idea what he is, but in New Rome, they're called legacies. Not Legos.

Annabeth: Legos?

Hazel: *Giggles*

Percy: Nothing.

Leo: Also, everyone, if you have never heard the above song, look it up on YouTube! Also, there is a really cool Minecraft version of it. Just enter "TNT Minecraft parody" in the search bar, and look for the one by CaptainSparklez! Let me know if you wanna see more of these songs! And if you didn't like it, well, all flames belong to me anyway.

Me: Leo! Stop advertising!

Leo: What? People, don't read your author's notes, so I'm putting it here. Also, full lyrics to the song in the author's note below! Feel free to copy and paste them on your profiles or whatever, just make sure to give credit to me and RascalJoy! PM us if you do!

Me: First of all, it's "RascalJoy and I," not "me and RascalJoy." Work on your grammar, Valdez. Secondly, knock it off. People won't want to read this anymore.

Leo: Also, we need a title for the song! Submit yours in a review, and whoever's we pick will get a special mention in a later chapter! And no "House of Hades" spoilers in the reviews, please! And—mmph!

Me: (Grins as I cover Leo's mouth) Well, that shut him up quick.

Tony: Hold it...I'm part god?

Thalia: Seriously? That just registered? And I thought Percy was slow...

Percy: Hey!

Tony: Oh my gosh...I'm...I'm a demigod!

Thalia: Allow me to be the first to welcome you into our world of suffering. Congratulations, your life just got a thousand times worse.

Tony: Are you kidding?! This is AWESOME!

Percy: If you like almost dying everyday, sure.

Tony: Okay, since I'm now part of your little gang here, I've got some suggestions for that song, and some critiques. I like the whole 'Fury' part, that simply made my day. Now there are a lot of weird things in that song, but I'll just list a couple major ones. First, Annabeth said she was a child of Wisdom, but she followed up that statement with "dumb dumb dumb." I think that kinda contradicts everything, you know? And then there were the random "I am Captain Kirk"s. What was with that? Third, "'Cause this is gonna rock more than when the Fates knit socks?" What the heck?

Leo: Okay, hold up! Annabeth wasn't really saying 'dumb.' Haven't you heard this song before? It's an echo. Well, it's not like Echo herself, but you know what I mean.

Tony: Wait...echoes are female?

Percy: Dude, you need to brush up on your Greek mythology.

Leo: ANYWAYS. And secondly, when I first arrived at camp and got claimed, Jason was all like, "Vulcan!" and I was all like, "Vulcan? I don't even like Star Trek!" and then Will Solace said, "Come on, Mr. Spock (meaning me) I'll explain everything." So I figured since Captain Kirk is the captain of a ship, like me, and he's in Star Trek, which has Vulcans in it, and Vulcan being the Roman name for Hephaestus I figured that I was kinda like him, so I added it in. Plus, it's random, which is kinda the 'plot' of this whole story. Finally, Percy told me that the Three Fates rocked on rocking chairs as they knit the socks of death. It was kinda convenient.

Steve: What...?

Tony: Huh. Now that you put it that way, it makes a lot more sense.

Me: Well, hope you enjoyed. Really tired now, so see ya next time! Hopefully, I'll get to read "House of Hades" within the next week, so I'll see you guys after I do! Bye bye now!


	14. Obsessed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 10-21-13

To the tune of "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" by the Chipmunks.

Me: All I want to do is read HoH  
HoH, that's right, HoH  
Gee, if I could only read HoH  
Then I would have a happy school day

It seems so long since I could say  
"I've read every single book and then some"  
Gosh, oh gee, how happy I'd be  
If I could only quote 'em

Oh, all I want to do is read HoH  
HoH, that's right, HoH  
Gee, if I could only read HoH  
Then I would have a happy school day!

Tony: You, my dear, are obsessed.

Me: Gee, thanks for noticing. Bye now.


	15. Guess What's Out Today!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 11-8-13
> 
> Okay, so now is the time to see how many people read the author's notes :) Hidden somewhere inside this chapter is a quote from one of the Avengers movies. Your job is to find it. When you do, type it up in a review, and tell me who said it and which Avengers movie it was in. Not too hard, right?

Me: Hey, Avengers! Guess what today is!

Tony: Tony Stark Day?

Me: No. Such a day does not exist.

Tony: Of course not! Because EVERY DAY is Tony Stark Day!

Steve: Oh, Tony...

Me: More specifically: Thor, guess what today is?

Thor: I believe today is...today.

Tony: (Face palm)

Steve: That's a good answer.

Tony: (Repeats face palm)

Me: Ugh! I can't believe you people forgot! Today's the release of "Thor: The Dark World"! Hello, ring a bell?

Thor: Oh yes...

Tony: Wait a sec, since when did he get a second movie?

Me: Uh, since they decided to film one.

Tony: But...I'M the only Avenger with more than one movie. In fact, I've got three.

Percy: That hardly seems fair...

Tony: Yes! Exactly! Finally SOMEONE sees from my point of view!

Percy: I meant that it's not fair that you have three movies and the others only have one.

Tony: Thor has two now!

Hazel: And Captain America's got a second movie coming out on April 14, 2014.

Tony: See? No fair!

Percy: Hey, Hazel, how did you know Captain America is going to get a second movie?

Hazel: *Blushes* He, um, was kind of a hero back in my time. And since he kind of sacrificed his life and—more or less—'came back to life,' like me, I just...I don't know. I just kind of wanted to keep track of someone from my time period.

Steve: *Turns red* Oh. Um, thanks.

Tony: Ah, please. Everyone knows I'm more awesome! (Spreads arms wide)

(Silence)

Tony: You people need to get your priorities straight.

Me: Exactly! This is about the release of 'Thor 2,' not useless bickering.

Tony: Hey, that's not what I—

Jane Foster: Congratulations, Thor! Wait a second...what am I doing here?

Thor: Ah, Jane! Welcome to...to...I do not know what this place is. It confuses me.

Darcy: Well, I dunno about you, but I think I'm liking it here already.

Eric Selvig: You haven't been here for two seconds.

Darcy: I know a party central when I see one.

Me: HA! See? DARCY likes it here.

Jane: Yeah, well Darcy is...Darcy.

Darcy: What's that supposed to mean?

Percy: Just saying, wait until you've been here for awhile. It kinda gets annoying.

Leo: Are you kidding?! This place is AWESOME!

Piper: Of course you would think so. This is a place where you can be yourself, and not look weird.

Leo: *Looks hurt* What?

Piper: Oh, Leo, that's not what I meant! I—

Leo: Are you saying I DON'T look weird now? You're insulting my ability to look strange! You're just like Jason! He tried to say I'm not annoying a few months ago.

Piper: *Raises eyebrows in surprise* Oh. Um, okay then. You're weird, Leo.

Leo: (Puffs out chest) Thank you!

Darcy: New best friend! (Wraps an arm around Leo's shoulders) Weird buddies!

Leo: *Looks surprised* What?

Tony: Excuse me? What am I, chop liver?

Natasha Romanoff: You call yourself modern? That was one of the oldest, most cliché things you could ever say.

Tony: What—but—

Clint Barton: Speechless!

Me: Okay, okay, we're off topic again. So, in honor of the new Thor movie, I'm bringing in a few of our favorite Thor characters.

Darcy: Uh, Jane, Eric, and I are already here.

Me: No, I mean other characters too.

Sif: Where am I?

Fandral: It doesn't matter. As long as there's beautiful young ladies. (Winks at Piper)

Piper: Excuse me?

Jason: Hey!

Volstagg: And food! (Attacks random food table)

Hogun: What is going on?

Odin: I do not understand.

Tony: *Snickers* I see now where Thor got it from.

Thor: *Glances suspiciously at Tony* What did you say?

Tony: Nothing!

Heimdall: (Appears) You are lying. (Disappears)

Thor: (Glares at Tony while spinning hammer slowly) You are lying, eh?

Tony: Oops, look at the time! (Spreads his arms and a suit flies at him, covering him in armor before he jumps out the window)

Annabeth: I thought he blew up all his suits...

Percy: Hey, where have you been, Wise Girl? It took forever for you to get here.

Annabeth: Sorry, I was finishing up the designs for the Apollo temple up on Olympus. If Apollo would just make up his mind about the stereo—

Pepper: (Walks into room) Hello, everyone. I heard a commotion, so I came down to see what's going on.

Steve: Oh, hello, Pepper. We were just celebrating the release of 'Thor 2.'

Pepper: Oh yeah, I saw that on the news. (Looks around) Where's Tony?

Clint: Oh, him? He flew out the window after Thor threatened to bash his head in.

Pepper: *Eyes narrow suspiciously* Flew out? (Storms over to broken window) ANTHONY STARK! You get back here RIGHT NOW!

Tony: (Floats up to window) Oh, uh, hey, Pepper. What's up?

Pepper: (Crosses her arms) I thought you blew up all your suits.

Tony: (Scratches the back of his helmet) Everybody needs a hobby.

Pepper: (Points to Tony, then her) You. With me. Now. (Stalks off down the hall)

Tony: *Beep* (Floats in, lands, takes off suit, and follows Pepper)

Piper: Oh, he's in for it now.

Fandral: Yes, and so are you, my dear.

Piper: Excuse me?

Fandral: (Grabs Piper around the waist and swings her close to him) You're in for the ride of your life, my beauty. (Leans down to kiss her)

Piper: (Shoves his face away and wriggles out of his grip) Don't even think about it!

Jason: (Sparks fly off his fingers) You trying to mess with my girlfriend?

Fandral: (Looks bored) Quite possibly.

Jason: (Pulls Piper close to him) You mess with Piper, you mess with me.

Fandral: *Smirks* Indeed? What can you do, oh mighty hero?

Jason: (Lifts his sword high in the air, and calls down lightning to strike right in front of Fandral)

Fandral: Agh! *Blanches* Right, then, young sir. Sorry to have bothered you and your woman. (Retreats hastily)

Volstagg: Ha! He deserved that. (Looks at Jason with interest) You have lightning powers as well? You wouldn't happen to have the same starter arrogance as another thunder user?

Piper: Oh no, Jason isn't cocky at all.

Percy: That, I can agree with.

Frank: Found you!

Hazel: What do you mean?

Frank: Oh, I just couldn't find you guys until just now.

Percy: Okay, then.

Jane: Well, congratulations, Thor, on your new movie. That was basically the point of this, so now that's it's been more than covered, I have some work to do. (Leaves)

Eric: I should probably help her.

Darcy: Hey, wait up!

Leo: See ya 'round, Darcy!

Darcy: Um, sure.

(Eric and Darcy leave)

Hogun: We are needed back in Asgard.

Volstagg: Oh, come on! There's so much roast left, I couldn't bear to let it go to waste!

Fandral: I believe you've had quite enough, my friend.

Sif: I, for once, agree with Fandral. Heimdall, open the Bifrost!

(Bifrost opens and Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun, and Sif disappear)

Natasha: I thought the bridge was broken.

Thor: We have repaired it since then. It is now fully functional once more.

Odin: Congratulations on this movie, my boy.

Thor: Thank you, father.

Me: Okay, getting boring. It's taking all of you too long to leave! So I guess you're all stuck here until next time.

Clint: Not quite.

(Helicarrier appears and Clint, Natasha, and Steve climb onboard)

(Bifrost reopens and Thor and Odin go up)

(Jason grabs Piper and flies away)

(Blackjack comes in the window and Percy and Annabeth climb on and fly away)

(Arion speeds in from who knows where and Hazel and Frank ride away)

Leo: Hey! Aw, come on, don't I have a lift? Oh yeah!

('Argo II' appears at the window and Leo jumps onboard)

Me: No fair. Oh well, see y'all next time!


	16. Veteran's Day—Sort Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 11-11-13
> 
> So, congratulations to the people who found quotes! Here's the list of the quotes that were in there (I think I got all of them):
> 
> "I do not understand." - Thor; Avengers (said in the chapter by Odin)  
> Alright, technically the full quote is "Monkeys? I do not understand," but since I put it there unintentionally and that's what people found, it counts.
> 
> "Everybody needs a hobby." - Tony Stark; Iron Man 3 (said in the chapter by Tony Stark)
> 
> "Found you!" - Volstagg; Thor (said in the chapter by Frank)
> 
> "Heimdall, open the Bifrost!" - multiple characters; Thor (said by Sif in the chapter)
> 
> So that's that! Everyone who found a quote gets a virtual cookie specially made in Sally's kitchen! ( : : )
> 
> Next challenge: Same rules as before, except this time, you're looking for a quote from "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" (NOT "Heroes of Olympus").

Me: Okay, so you know how each of you submitted a character? Well, my little brother (smart aleck that he is) decided that the character he wanted to be in this chapter was himself. And since I know him personally, I'm kinda stuck with humoring him. Prepare yourself for twice the randomness.

Jellybean: BWA HA HA! I won the RascalJoy's contest on her fanfic and chose myself for a character BWA HA HA!…Wow, this place is cool

Me: You just repeated what I already said. No, you can't have the keyboard. Hey. STOP IT!

Jellybean: BWA HA HA I stole RascalJoy's mini and now I'm typing randomly BWA HA HA! Hey! Give it back!

Me: Mine... So, anyway, today u

Jellybean: BWA HA HA! I got it again, and I have absolutely no idea what to do with it.

Me: Okay, so every time he gets control, he runs away if I get close, then gives it back when he's done. I'm serious, Jellybean. Let me finish my sentences. Okay, AS I WAS SAYING... Today is Veteran's Day. No. Mine. Sorry, that was my brother trying to grab this again. So, as you all know, Veteran's Day celebrates the heroes of America who served in the wars. Also, we have a bunch of heroes here now—

Leo: Like me!

Me: Yes, Leo, like you. So anyway, we're going to honor them today with this conversation. Although it's not even CLOSE to covering their sacrifice, I'll give it my best shot.

Percy: Yeah. At Camp Half-Blood on Veteran's Day, we always have a little party. I hope I don't need to explain why.

Connor and Travis Stoll: Nope!

Me: Oh, great. Now there's four troublemakers in here.

Jellybean: sweet!

Me: Those troublemakers being: the Stolls, Leo, and of course mister Jellybean. I guess you could also count Percy—

Percy: Hey!

Me: But I won't. So, Leo, you and Jellybean should get along just fine—

Jellybean: Duh

Me: —because I constantly call Jellybean 'Leo' because he's so much like you.

Leo: *Jaw drops* You call your little brother by my name? MY NAME? Woohoo! I'm famous!

Jason: What does someone being named after you have to do with being famous?

Leo: Well, you and Percy are named after like, a couple of the greatest heroes of all time. In my case, someone is named after ME which makes me the starting famous person.

Me: Technically, it's a nickname...

Leo: So? He's still named after me!

Me: Forget I said anything...

Travis: Ooh! Idea time! Gather round, my fellow pranksters! I mean, pals!

(Connor, Leo, and Jellybean huddle around Travis)

Percy: Crap. This can't be good.

Nico: How did I get here?

Me: Someone requested you. And besides, you have been noticeably absent in these last couple conversations.

Nico: I like being absent...

Jellybean: 1 2 3. Break

Nico: What...?

Percy: Uh oh.

Leo: *Grins* Hey, guys. So, let's see...which phase are we starting with?

Travis: How about, 'Phase 1'?

Leo: Sounds good.

Tony: Hey, hey, hey! Hold everything! How come it took me so long to get here, huh? What are you scheming? I want to be part of it!

Connor: Back to the drawing board...

Jellybean: Nuts, I loved that

(All get into a huddle again, plus Tony)

Annabeth: I've got a bad feeling about this...

Percy: I think we should do something to stop them before whatever they're about to do gets out of hand.

Steve: I agree.

Me: Hold up! This is Veteran's Day, remember? We're supposed to have like, a party honoring them, and stuff.

Piper: Oh, I'll take care of that. Girls, with me!

(Annabeth, Hazel, Pepper, and Natasha follow Piper out of the room)

Percy: When did Pepper and Natasha get here?

Nico: They came out of the hallway over there about ten minutes ago.

Percy: Oh...

Steve: Weren't we going to stop the troublemakers?

Percy: Right. Okay, here's the plan...

(Starts whispering to remaining boys)

Travis: They're whispering.

Connor: That's not good.

Leo: Only we are allowed to whisper.

Jellybean: let's stop em. Leo—

(Big net drops over the five, totally tangling them)

Troublesome Five: HEY!

Percy: Got them!

Nico: Yay. Now what?

Jellybean: Guys back up plan

Percy: *Whistles loudly*

(Mrs. O'Leary appears)

Percy: Hey, girl! Could you drag this net outside and dump it into the garbage pit, please?

Mrs. O'Leary: WOOF! (Drags net away)

Troublesome Five: NOT COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

Percy: Thank the gods we got them out of here in time.

Nico: Yeah.

Annabeth: Hey, guys, the party is all set up!

Percy: Sweet. Let's go!

(All walk into room with Annabeth)

Steve: Oh.

Percy: Wow.

Nico: Colorful...

(Everything in roo red, white, and blue; tables, chairs, plates, utensils, food, etc. American flags hanging everywhere.)

Piper: Thought it would be a good color scheme.

Nico: You're nuts.

Piper: (Points at bowl of fruit and nuts) Nuts and berries. Yeah.

(Troublesome Five come running into the room)

Troublesome Five: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Piper: Of course, sillies, it's a free country.

Percy: I don't think that's what they meant...

Travis: Whoa. Who started the paintball war without me?

Annabeth: (Slaps Travis) It's decorations for the Veteran's Day celebration, dummy.

Connor: Well, you guys certainly went...all out.

Leo: Understatement.

Tony: MY LIVING ROOM!

Steve: That took a bit for you to notice. I like it.

Tony: Of course you do, Capsicle. It's your color scheme.

Jellybean: Don't worry Tony we'll change the color in fifteen seconds, come on guys

(Four of the Troublesome Five come running in with paintball guns and begin shooting everywhere)

Hazel: Guys! That's so mean!

Annabeth: Don't worry. I made sure the paintball guns were filled with the appropriate colors.

Travis: Hey! It just looks worse than before!

Piper: Thanks for finishing up the decorating, guys.

Leo: Dang it...

Percy: Okay, let's go get rest of the war veterans in here!

(War veterans appear)

Random mortal: Uh...where am I?

Percy: Oops. I mean, demigod and Avenger veterans.

(Mortal war veterans disappear and demigods and remainder of the Avengers appear)

Will Solace: Uh...where am I?

Percy: Dude, a mortal guy just said that.

Clarisse: Hey. Is this the place where I—

Percy: Pretended to be Mrs. O'Leary's voice for 'The Demigod Rap'? Yes.

Malcolm: What...?

Annabeth: Malcolm, welcome to the Avengers Tower.

Tony: STARK Tower.

Annabeth: You just left the 'A' up there and never replaced the other letters. And it's known everywhere else as the Avengers Tower now, so, your loss.

Tony: Not cool...

Jellybean: Attack!

(Troublesome Five start firing paintballs)

Me: That's IT! You guys try one more thing, and I will banish you from this conversation!

Leo: No! Then no one will see my awesomeness!

Me: Then you'd better stop.

(Troublesome Five reluctantly stop)

Me: Jellybean, I am warning you...

Jellybean: Whatever (fires one paintball at RascalJoy)

Me: JELLYBEAN! I HEREBY BANISH YOU FROM THIS CONVERSATION! BEGONE!

Jellybean: whatever (fires at least 20 paintballs at RascalJoy and leaves)

Me: Oh my gosh...count to ten, Rascal, count to ten...

Percy: Look out, she's gonna blow!

Me: JELLYBEAN! (Runs out of room to attack brother)

Annabeth: Well, that's that. And I thought the author was crazy, but her brother... Oh dear.

Percy: Well, let's do what we came here to do, and then pack up.

(Random glass of blueberry juice appears in everyone's hands)

Gwen: It's...blue.

Dakota: Is it Kool-Aid?

Percy: If you want it to be. Those cups will give you anything so long as it's red, white, or blue.

Dakota: RED KOOL-AID!

Everyone: *Groan*

Percy: To the veterans!

Everyone: To the veterans!

(Drinks from glasses)

Travis: PLAN NUMBER 3, EXECUTE!

(Remainder of Troublesome Five stand on tables and begin firing pink paintballs everywhere)

Me: I'm back! What did I miss? (Gets hit in face by paintball)

(Everyone freezes)

Leo: Did we just...hit the moderator?

Travis and Connor: Bye! (Disappear down the stairs)

Leo: Hey! Guys, don't leave me!

Me: (Picks up random basketball and grins evilly) One basketball to rule them all.

Leo: Crap. (Runs away with me on his heels)

Percy: Yes! Since the moderator's gone, we can end early! So long!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see from the spelling and grammar errors, I had absolutely NO say in what my brother decided to type.


	17. A Talk About Titles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 12-03-13
> 
> Okay, quotes. There were actually only two, and they were said one right after the other in the books :P Here they are:
> 
> "You're nuts." - Thalia Grace; Titan's Curse (said in the chapter by Nico)
> 
> "Nuts and berries. Yeah." - Grover Underwood; Titan's Curse (said in the chapter by Piper)
> 
> How many people did I fool with the Heroes of Olympus quote? ;D One of them was my brother. (Take THAT, Jellybean!)
> 
> Next challenge: Inside this conversation is ONE House of Hades reference. Find it, and tell me what the reference is to. Everyone who has not read House of Hades, don't worry, I guarantee it won't spoil a thing. You probably won't even notice it. People who have read House of Hades, you should definitely spot it right away. The first THREE PEOPLE who find it get a character of their choice in the next chapter!
> 
> Note: The reference is NOT in the last fifteen lines of script. As in, the hinting about future characters does not count.
> 
> edit: 12-3-13 Oh dear. My siblings said that the HoH reference was too vague, and if my siblings don't get it, then nobody will. So here's a little extra hint to keep in mind as you read: look for 'Interesting choice of words.'

Me: Hello, everyone! So, I know I promised a chapter on the 22nd—

Tony: THAT failed.

Me: —but I didn't know at the time that I had something very important going on on that day. Bruce, Natasha, happy late birthday!

Bruce: That's okay. I'd rather jot celebrate it anyway.

Natasha: *Narrows eyes* How do you know my birthday?

Me: It's all over the Internet, it's not like it's a secret. Well, technically, it's Scarlett Johansson's and Mark Ruffalo's birthday—

Tony: Again with the actor names.

Me: —and besides, these surprise birthday parties are getting old and cliché. So, yeah.

Percy: Wait a second, why are you writing a conversation today? There's nothing special on the calendar.

Me: Oh my gosh. I just realized. Guys, this is the first truly random random conversation in months!

Leo: Um, what's that supposed to mean?

Me: It means, this is the first random conversation written for the sole purpose of curing my boredom. No movie releases, or birthdays, or anything.

Annabeth: Oh no...does that mean...

Me: *Grins evilly* Yep. Prepare for ten times the randomness.

Everyone: *Groans*

Me: One thing to clear up: I am currently writing this in a bus in the middle of an hour and a half drive with a bunch of noisy kids on my way to a puppet performance. I have no Internet, so I'm sorry, I can't look through your reviews to add requested characters. I promise I will put them in the next chapter, as well as the next winners. Hopefully, this challenge will be easier!

Tony: Okay, if the narrator is done rambling—*glares at me pointedly*—let's get this party started! (Hits a button)

(Disco ball falls from the ceiling and smashes on the floor)

Leo: It's Monsters University all over again...

Piper: Seriously? You've seen that movie?

Leo: Yeah...so?

Piper: I LOVE that movie!

Jason: Was not expecting that answer...

Annabeth: Wait a second...I just realized something...PERSEUS JACKSON!

Percy: Um...yes?

Annabeth: You said you published two series about us, right?

Percy: Yeah.

Annabeth: The first one entirely in your point of view, the second one from multiple points of view?

Leo: Oh, busted!

Annabeth: How in Hades did you get material in OUR point of views?!

Percy: *Pales* Oh gods...um...well...you see...

Piper: Annabeth, listen. Percy got it with our permission. He was planning on surprising you on your birthday with both series when he had completed them. So far, he's gotten all of them done but one.

Annabeth: *Looks surprised* So you guys WILLINGLY gave him the stuff from your point of views?

Demigods: (Nod)

Annabeth: And let me guess: he hacked into my journals, avoiding the alarm with the help of Valdez?

Leo: Um, are you mad?

Annabeth: No.

Leo: In that case, yes. Seriously, that lock was hard! Who made it? I've got to meet him!

Annabeth: I had Beckendorf make it for me. Before...you know.

Leo: Oh.

Annabeth: And because you hacked it, I'm going to enlist the Stolls to help me prank your pants off this summer.

Jason: *Snickers* Interesting choice of words.

Leo: Shut UP, Grace.

Jason: *Shrugs*

Annabeth: What?

Leo and Jason: Nothing.

Annabeth: *Looks at Piper questioningly*

Piper: No idea. *Glares at Jason* Have you been holding out on me?

Jason: *Looks nervous* Leo asked me not to tell.

Piper: *Sighs* Fine!

Leo: Annabeth, you said you weren't mad!

Annabeth: I wasn't.

Leo: Then why are you going to prank my pants off?

Annabeth: Correction: I WASN'T mad. I am now that I know you did.

Leo: Crap... Hey...Percy, I know why you called the latest book 'House of Hades'!

Percy: Um, why?

Leo: Because the abbreviation of 'House of Hades' is HoH, and HoH is equal to H2O which is the formula for water, and water is Poseidon's element, and you are Poseidon's son, and that is why it is called 'House of Hades.'

Percy: Actually, I called it 'House of Hades' because that was our goal: the House of Hades.

Leo: *Blinks* Well, I think my reason is cooler.

Piper: Oh. Never thought of it THAT way.

Leo: And the abbreviation of 'Son of Neptune' is SoN! Son! You need to stop repeating yourself, Percy.

Percy: ...I didn't notice...

Annabeth: You never notice ANYTHING, Seaweed Brain.

Percy: Not true.

Leo: Another bit of randomness to make your head spin! You know how Will Solace called me Mr. Spock? If I'm Mr. Spock, that makes Jason Captain Kirk!

Jason: Excuse me?

Leo: Mr. Spock is Captain Kirk's first mate and best friend, remember? Hey, wait...how come Jason gets to be Captain? I want to be Captain!

Jason: I never said I was Captain...

Leo: That means I'm Admiral! Admirals outrank captains! I think... Oh oh! Percy, what do you think about the movies?

Percy: *Looks confused* What movies?

Leo: Uh, the movies based on your books, duh. Aren't they HORRENDOUS?!

Percy: *Looks disgusted* Oh, those movies. I will say now that I had NO say in those movies. That mist form, Rick Riordan, sold the rights to the books without me knowing. The only thing the same are our names. Even our appearances are about twenty leagues away from us.

Piper: I hope they never reach the second series. I wouldn't be able to stand it if someone played me.

Leo: Uh, couldn't you play yourself, Beauty Queen? You're Dad's an actor, so...

Piper: No way. I do NOT want any part in the movies. Wait a second...I can charmspeak the directors into not doing the second series!

Me: Yes! Please do! I can't even stand being in the next room over when my family watched that first movie! I let my friend spoil the entire second movie for me, and I have NO desire to see it. They TOTALLY dishonor you guys!

Tony: I like MY movies...

Me: Yeah, well you're you.

Tony: *Looks smug* Yes, I am.

Clint: Oh, for crying out loud!

Steve: What?

Clint: Never mind, Cap. It's an expression.

Steve: Oh...

Me: Oh, here you are, Avengers! The demigods basically took over this conversation.

Tony: I know! I hardly said anything!

Me: Well, it's gonna have to stay that way. I'm wrapping up.

Tony: What?!

Me: And guess what, guys? I'VE FINISHED THE FRIGGING HOUSE OF HADES! When I find the time, I will publish an entire chapter totally ranting about it's awesomeness! Even bring in some *ahem* special characters *wink wink*.

Leo: Uh oh...

Jason: What?

Leo: You'll find out...

Piper: Ooh! Will we get to meet...you know who?

Me: *Smiles brightly* Yep!

Piper: Now I can finally see the cause of Leo sobering up.

Leo: Oh gods, no.

Me: Sorry, Leo!

Percy: And...and...the other guy?

Bruce: *Looks shocked* What?!

Percy: No, not THAT other guy. The other other guy. I can't say a name because this is supposed to be a spoiler free chapter.

Me: *Smiles* Of course, Percy. I'll bring the other other guy in. Random thought: Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and my dad's godfather's birthday all fell on the same day this year. November 28 sure was busy. Happy late Thanksgiving, everyone! Okay, now wrapping up!


	18. I'm BAAAAAAACK!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanficton.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 1-18-14
> 
> Sorry about the last challenge. It was WAY too vague. The HoH reference *spoiler alert* was when Annabeth said 'prank your pants off." I was referring to when those dwarves stole Leo's pant zipper and his pants fell off. Hehe.
> 
> So, see if you can find the one quote from Iron Man. I'm giving you the specific movie since there's only one quote. I want to know who said it (in the movie), to whom (once again, in the movie), and about what (meaning what was he/she talking about when he/she said it). I like being quizmaster ;)
> 
> (AO3, you can ignore any mention of the forum.)

Me: *Creeps slowly into room, hoping nobody notices*

(Demigods and Avengers sitting in couches in the Stark Tower)

Tony: Man, I'm so BORED.

Natasha: You're always bored.

Tony: Not true.

Natasha: When it comes to doing anything that's not explicit or tinkering related, then yes, you are.

Tony: Still not true.

Natasha: *Raises an eyebrow* Prove it.

Fury: Ten bucks on Natasha.

Tony: *Smirks* This is a bet you're going to lose, Fury.

Pepper: Then what is your amazing new hobby?

Tony: (Spreads arms dramatically) Hanging out with you guys, of course. In those Random Conversations.

Everyone: (Stares at him in shock)

Fury: You claim to hate these because the moderator keeps you on a leash.

Tony: Well at least she gives me SOMETHING to do around here! Pepper's banished me from my workshop! I'm bored!

Percy: He kind of has a point. Ever since the war with Gaea ended, things have been pleasantly uneventful. Even though the moderator likes to torture me in her other stories, this one's pretty neat. We can just hang out without fear of anything—

(The ceiling suddenly collapses with a loud CRASH, dumping someone in the center of the ring of couches. Everyone leaps up, weapons at the ready)

Leo: *Groans from the center of the mess* I did not expect that.

Piper: *Glances at him suspiciously* Just what do you think you're doing?

Leo: *Looks up innocently* Nothing.

Demigods: (Fold their arms disbelievingly)

Piper: What were you doing really?

Leo: *Looks uncomfortable* Um…maybe, quite possibly, testing out my own version of a repulsor ray so Festus can have laser eyes?

Tony: WHAT?! And how much of 'your own version' came from my designs?

Leo: *Looks defensive* None! First of all, you don't even have any designs on record. It's all in your head. Second, I was just trying to try my own version of…your awesomeness! Is that so wrong?

Tony: Well, I suppose…hold it. How did you know I don't have any plans?

Leo: *Pales* Oh Styx…

Tony: (Throws arms up in exasperation) This is why I miss the moderator! Stuff like this would never happen if—

Me: (Leaps out from behind chair and throws myself onto Tony) You missed me? YOU missed ME?! I missed you too! Well, I kinda had an Avengers marathon (minus Hulk and Iron Man 3 because of time) with my best friends last Sunday, but it wasn't the same as actually being here with you guys! *Starts sobbing hysterically*

Tony: Um…did I say that I missed you? I mean, I only like you here because you keep Leo under control, I don't actually like you being here…at all…

Me: *Looks hurt* You—you don't?

Pepper: Oh, stop being so tough, Anthony Stark. I missed her. She's the only one besides me who can keep YOU in check.

Annabeth: I missed her too. It's nice to be random every once in awhile.

Percy: Yeah, in this case a LONG while. What took you so long? It's been over a month!

Me: *Looks sheepish* Believe it or not, I write more when school's in session. I use my writing as an effective way to procrastinate homework, and break has been heavenly. Of course I had to do algebra everyday, but other than that, it was nice and relaxing. Nothing to procrastinate.

Percy: (Opens his mouth to protest)

Annabeth: Oh, shut it, Seaweed Brain. I can totally respect that she doesn't want to deal with you boys all the time.

Piper: Exactly. Just putting up with Leo was hard enough at first, and then came Percy.

Pepper: First Tony. Then Clint. Quite a handful, if you ask me.

Me: And I have to deal with all of them! Please forgive my laziness? I won't ever let it be this long to update again! Probably…

Everyone: (Looks uncertain)

Thalia: You forgot my birthday.

Clint: And mine.

Fury: And mine.

Hazel: I don't really care too much, but you missed mine too.

Me: *Winces* Um…happy belated birthday?

(Pause)

Hazel: Thanks!

Clint: I suppose…thank you. I don't like celebrating my birthday anyway.

Fury: I don't either.

Thalia: Mine doesn't matter so much since I'm immortal anyway.

Tony: *Looks stunned* You're IMMORTAL?!

Thalia: Long story. I'll explain later.

Me: So…does this mean you forgive me?

(Everyone exchanges looks)

Annabeth: It was just once. I was honestly fine not being in this crazy environment for awhile.

Piper: It was rather relaxing.

Hazel: But all the same, it's good to be back.

Pepper: All girls in favor of pardoning the moderator?

All girls: Aye! (Turn to glare at the boys)

Annabeth: Well?

Percy: (Shrugs) If Wise Girl's okay with it, so am I.

Frank: And me.

(Tony and Leo exchange looks, then grin wickedly)

Tony and Leo: You bet, we're in.

All boys: She's good.

Me: (Totally relieved) Oh, good! Thank you so much! You'll never regret this!

Pepper: Group hug!

(Everyone group hugs, me squashed in the middle)

Piper: (Gestures at you) That means you, too, readers! Get over here!

Readers: (Huddle in)

Me: Ack! As much as I love you guys…I'm…getting…squished!

Percy: Get used to it. It's part of being in the family.

Rachel: (Saunters in, twirling her blue plastic hairbrush) Well, I'm glad to see I was right that you guys were getting along. You've got a visitor.

Percy: (Looks up curiously) What?

Visitor: You mean 'who.' (Calypso walks into the room)

Percy and Leo: (Jaws drop)

Percy: C-Calypso?

Leo: What are you doing here?

Calypso: *Raises an eyebrow* Oh, am I not welcome? I'll just be going then—

Percy and Leo: No! Don't!

Calypso: *Smiles* Didn't think so.

Hazel: Wait a minute…

Piper: Leo, is this who you met when you got shot into the sky?

Leo: How'd you know I met someone?

(Hazel and Piper exchange knowing looks)

Piper: Oh, it's a girl thing.

Rachel: Well, she's only here for a few minutes, so I suggest you guys get moving.

(Everyone freezes)

Rachel: You guys aren't very good at this, are you?

Leo: But there's so little time, how can we say it all?

Percy: Calypso, why haven't you visited sooner? The gods were supposed to have released you a few years ago…

Calypso: They never did. Technically, I'm still on Ogygia right now. A couple of gods pulled a few strings and got me out for a short time.

Percy: *Looks stunned* But they swore on the River Styx to let you out. They just can't break an oath like that. *Looks guilty* I'm sorry I never checked up on you. I'm sorry you got so mad that you cursed Annabeth—

Piper and Hazel: WHAT?!

Percy: —but I'm not going to ask you to apologize since it was my fault all along. I'm sorry for not being a better friend.

Calypso: *Tears up* Now, I should be the one apologizing. You never did anything to hurt me. You only try to help. I should never have gotten so angry as to…to…I'm sorry!

Percy: It's okay.

Calypso: No, it's not! I've blamed you, and Odysseus, and that pirate this whole time when it wasn't your fault you got marooned on my island! All this time, I should have been angry at the gods. Their the ones who cursed me in the first place. I'm sorry.

Leo: Okay, guys, we get it. You're both horrible people, you're sorry, blah blah blah. Just hug and get it over with!

Percy and Calypso: (Exchange looks. Quickly hug.)

Percy: I'm sorry.

Calypso: Stop saying that already. I'm sorry too. Can we start over?

Percy: Sure.

(Calypso's form flickers)

Rachel: Not much time left.

Calypso: (Turns toward Leo)

Leo: *Grins crookedly* Hey, Sunshine.

Calypso: (Throws herself at him and kisses him)

Everyone: (Jaws drop)

Percy: Wha—wha—when—how?

(Calypso and Leo pull away as Calypso's image begins to fade)

Leo: I'll find you, okay?

Calypso: *Whispers something in Leo's ear*

Leo: *Blushes* Me too.

(Calypso kisses him once more on the cheek before fading completely)

(Silence)

Me: Well, this conversation took a sad turn.

Percy: So…you two…know each other?

Leo: (Shifts uncomfortably) Yeah.

Percy: Gee, man, you should've said something! I wouldn't have talked to her so long if—

Leo: It's fine. Don't mention it.

Annabeth: What do you mean that you'll find her? No man ever finds Ogygia twice.

Leo: (Scratches the back of his neck) Well, I kinda found Odysseus's astrolabe, and hopefully with the crystal from her cave and the upgrades I'm making to Festus and the 'Argo II,' I'll be able to sail for Ogygia within the month.

Percy: Dude, that's awesome!

Me: Much as I hate to cut this short, I should probably go now.

Everyone: *Groans*

Percy: We just got you back!

Leo: Don't leave yet! I need some cheering up and randomness right now!

Me: That was unexpected…you guys usually groan when I stay…

Percy: Just a few more minutes? *Baby seal eyes*

Me: *Totally crumbles* Okay, fine.

Everyone: Yay!

Me: *Grins wickedly* But I have an announcement to make.

Tony: Oh no. We're doomed.

Me: I'm thinking of starting a forum where EVERYONE can participate in Random Conversations LIVE! with a character of their choice! What do you guys think?

Frank: Oh gods. What did you guys just get us into?

Jason: It's bad enough with ONE person controlling all our actions, but with dozens…I'm not sure I'm ready to be possessed again.

Percy and Leo: Me neither!

Me: Well, it's not up to you characters. It's up to the readers. If I get at the very minimum ten people with accounts that are interested in having Random Conversations LIVE!, then I will do my best to get it up and running as soon as I have free time. So what I'm basically thinking, is for each fandom you can audition for a character by taking a Character Test, which is basically testing you're knowledge of a character and whether or not you'll be able to play them believably. It's like roleplaying, but with a twist! Not sure on the details yet, but any interesting little snippets that show up in conversations there just might be included in this story! And Guests can read along with the forum and THRICE the randomness on a more daily basis! Depending on the level of interest, I might need some people to act as moderators instead of characters since I would prefer if all conversations were monitored for the sake of living up to the Random Conversations tradition. We'll see though!

Annabeth: I swear on the Styx, if I get someone who makes me seem like an airhead—

Me: Don't worry! The test will, hopefully, cover everything!

Percy: I don't like tests…

Me: You don't have to take one. The readers do. About you.

Percy: Like that's any better…

Me: Hey, if you wanted to keep your personal life a secret, then maybe you should've thought twice before you published an entire series about your thoughts and adventures.

Percy: …Touché.

Me: Well, let me know you're guy's thoughts on the forum. Enough interest, and I'll slap it all together and we'll get this ball rolling! Remember, this FIRST PERSON to find the single Iron Man quote and answer all the questions about it will get first pick on the character he/she wants if I do start this forum! See you guys soon!


	19. Introducing the Forum!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 1-26-14
> 
> Nobody got the quote, which kind of makes sense since it's so obscure. So I'm changing it up a bit. I'm going to give you the quote from the previous chapter, and you're going to tell me who said it, to whom it was said, and about what he/she was talking about in the movie. The winner gets bonus points in the character test for the character of their choice! Now here's the quote from the movie Iron Man: "I did not expect that." Hint: Leo was doing something very similar to what the actual person did in the movie when he said that line ;)

Me: Hello, everyone! Guess what? The forum is now UP! But before you dash over there, come enjoy the celebration party with us here at the original Random Conversations first! I will be interviewing the characters that will be available this month to hear their thoughts on the matter, as well as giving you a basic rundown of what will be going on! Ready? Let's start with Percy Jackson!

Percy: Um...hi?

Me: What do you think about the new forum?

Percy: I think this could be...interesting.

Tony: I think it's awesome! Now everyone can live their dream: to be me!

Me: Tony! First of all, I'm interviewing Percy right now. Second of all, I don't think there's anyone out there who wishes they were you.

Tony: *Looks confused* Why not?

Me: Apparently you're volatile, self-obsessed, don't play well with others.

Tony: Oh, shut up.

Me: *Raises eyebrow* Excuse me?

Tony: Nothing! Um, leaving now.

Me: Good. So as I was saying, Percy, what do you think about this forum? You didn't sound to enthusiastic.

Percy: I don't know. I just think it's weird that someone wants to pretend they're me.

Me: It's just because you're so amazing, everyone wants to be you! That should be obvious.

Percy: *Looks uncomfortable* Um, okay. How about you talk to Leo now? I think...um...Annabeth is calling me. So, bye! (Scurries off)

Me: *Frowns* Fine. Okay, Leo, what do you think about this forum?

Leo: I think it's great! Now I can see how many more people want to be me over Frank.

Frank: Hey!

Leo: (Shrugs) Just saying!

Me: Okay, so Frank, what do you think about the forum?

Frank: Um...I don't know.

Me: That's not really an answer.

Frank: But seriously, I don't know.

Me: Fine! Annabeth, Hazel, what do you think?

Annabeth: As long as people don't make me a dumb, giggly idiot, I think it's fine.

Hazel: I suppose it's okay. I just don't want people changing who I am.

Me: Aw, that's so sweet! And don't worry, I'll make sure someone nice gets you! Jason and Piper, you're up! I believe I don't have to repeat the question again.

Piper: I agree with Annabeth and Hazel. Just because I'm a daughter of Aphrodite doesn't mean I'm a makeup loving, ditsy, gossiper, got that?

Jason: Yeah. I suppose since the conversations are random, the reins are looser than in real life, but I still don't want to be completely crazy.

Me: Hey, Nico! You there?

Nico: ...No...

Me: Haha, very funny. What are your thoughts on the forum?

Nico: ...Stupid...

Me: Um, why?

Nico: No one will want to be me. And they'll make me look like a kid again.

Me: Actually, I've already had one person PM me saying they wanted to be you, so that's not true.

Nico: ...Fine. But I still don't want to look like a hyper little kid. Goodbye. (Shadow travels away)

Me: *Sniff* I miss hyperactive Nico...

Tony: Finally, all of them are done! My turn!

Me: Nope. I'm starting with Steve.

Tony: Why?

Me: Because you need to learn patience, that's why. So, Steve, what do you think about this forum?

Steve: It's...fine, I guess. Kids have been pretending to be me for years, apparently. I wouldn't know since I was...er, not really there, but I guess it's okay. I think...

Tony: My turn!

Me: Nope. And technically, you already gave your opinion when you butted into Percy's interview. You've lost your interview privileges.

Tony: WHAT?!

Me: Banner, your thoughts?

Bruce: As long as I don't Hulk-out every second. I don't do that, so it better not happen.

Me: Fair enough. I don't want to have to deal with the other guy all the time either. Clint?

Clint: ...I don't like it. It's like Loki controlling me all over again.

Me: No, it won't be that bad! You're not going to be killing anyone, and you're on the good side!

Clint: Still don't like it...

Me: Okay then. You're loss. Natasha?

Natasha: I'm not a prissy little *beep*. Make sure it stays that way.

Me: Hehe...yeah, okay, no problem! Pepper?

Pepper: I'm good with it. I don't really care so much, as long as I'm in character.

Me: That's what everyone says! And finally, Fury! Your thoughts?

Nick Fury: ...

Me: Um, Fury? You there?

Nick Fury: ...

Me: Hello? Hey, come on, just answer the question! Is it so hard?

Nick Fury: ...

Me: Apparently it is. So, anyway, readers, I need your help! The forum is up and posted, but the conversations themselves won't be starting until February 7. When you look at the Forum Rules and Guidelines, you'll see why. However, the reason why I'm announcing it now is because I want to make sure I covered everything. So as soon as you're done reading this conversation, go to my profile. Near the top is the link to the forum! So for now I just need you guys to check it out, see if everything makes sense, and leave any suggestions in the suggestions box. After you've done that, check out the author's note below and follow it's instructions as well as the Forum Rules and Guidelines, introduce yourself in the Members—Welcome Newbies! thread, and then let the character claiming commence! All you readers get first dibs!

Readers: Yay!

Me: Be sure to tell your other fanfiction friends about it! Now, let the party begin!

(Silence)

Me: Aw, man. I forgot to set up the party. Hey, you know what? We can have the party at the new forum! You all can join us on it's official grand opening on February 7! So what are you waiting for? Read the author's note below, and then go check out the forum! Good luck!


	20. Character Shortage!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 2-7-14

Me: Hello, everybody! Today is the starting day of the first ever, Random Conversations with our Favorite Characters LIVE!

(Confetti)

Me: Except, I've got one, teeny tiny little issue: there's only been TWO characters claimed! I think I remember there being a lot more interest, people!

Tony: Well, it doesn't really matter. Me and whoever else will rock this show without anybody else.

Me: Wait, why you?

Tony: Uh, I've been claimed. Duh! Common knowledge I'd be the first one gone.

Me: Actually, no. You weren't claimed first.

Tony: *Raises eyebrow* Oh? No matter. I'm still the best.

Me: In fact, you weren't claimed at all.

Tony: WHAT?! Why would no one claim me? I am CLEARLY the smartest, funniest, most humble—

Percy: Humble?

Tony: —person around! Why would no one want me?!

Me: *Shrugs* I don't know. Why don't you ask them?

Tony: (Whirls toward Readers) WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME?!

Leo: Whoa, man, you seriously need to chillax. Everyone knows the world doesn't revolve around you. It revolves around me!

Piper: (Smacks Leo upside the head) Leo!

Leo: Ouch! Fine, it revolves around the sun. Even YOU should know that.

Me: Sherlock doesn't.

Leo: What?

Me: Never mind. Anyway, as I said before, two characters have been claimed.

Leo: Who?

Clarisse: Yeah, tell me so I can punch their lights out.

Percy: Um, why would you want to do that? Jealous?

Clarisse: *Snorts* Hardly. I am not on the character cast, so I'm not available in the first place. I just want to knock whoever was stupid enough to join that thing into the middle of next week.

Me: You'll do no such thing. Otherwise, I might consider putting you on the cast list early.

Clarisse: *Growls* Fine.

Me: Anyway, the two characters claimed are...JARVIS, drumroll please.

JARVIS: Right away, ma'am.

(Random drumroll)

Me: Leo and Nico!

Leo: HA! Take that, Stark! I'm claimed! *Starts cackling madly*

Nico: ...Why...

Piper: Well, Leo was the first to be claimed when he, Jason, and I arrived at camp, so I guess it makes sense.

Me: Anywho, what I'm trying to say, is I need YOU! Hehe, that rhymed. Anyway, character shortage! So as soon as you guys can, just mosey on down there and audition for a character, 'kay? Because I'm pretty sure I had more than two people interested when I first introduced the forum idea.

Tony: You know, it's technically a couple minutes to midnight right now. It's a little late to be posting this, don't you think?

Me: Fanfiction time, it's 9pm. So anyway, I hope I'll find plenty of auditions tomorrow! Night night now! Well, bye because you probably won't be reading this right now, but oh well. And one more thing: happy twentieth conversation! Join the celebration on the new forum on Sunday, the new official opening day!


	21. Melt the Snow!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 3-12-14

Me: I will apologize in advance for the short chapter. But I hope the humor will make up for it. This is a song written by me, inspired by my sister, and sung by the characters. Please...enjoy.

(Characters appear on stage)

Percy: This is to the tune of "Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!"

Annabeth: It's called, "Melt the Snow! Melt the Snow! Melt the Snow!"

(Music starts)

Thalia:  
Oh the weather outside's persistent

Leo:  
And the fire is nonexistent

Tony:  
Since we have places to go

All characters:  
Melt the snow! Melt the snow! Melt the snow!

Steve:  
It's showing no signs of stopping

Natasha:  
The flakes just keep on dropping

Piper:  
Since there's no more mistletoe

All characters:  
Melt the snow! Melt the snow! Melt the snow!

Annabeth:  
And if you drag me out tonight

Hazel:  
I really hate going out in the cold

Pepper:  
Even if you hold me tight

Reyna:  
I'll run back home and be warm

Jason:  
The heater is slowly dying

Bruce:  
And to stall, we're still good-bying

Clint:  
So God if you love me so

All characters:  
Melt the snow! Melt the snow! MELT THE SNOW!

Me: We hope you enjoyed this little production. Feel free to share this song with your friends, family, and bloggers. Please give me credit for the lyrics. See y'all next time! Full lyrics in the author's note below!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melt the Snow! Melt the Snow! Melt the Snow!
> 
> By RascalJoy
> 
> (To the tune of "Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!")
> 
> Oh the weather outside's persistent  
> And the fire is nonexistent  
> Since we have places to go  
> Melt the snow! Melt the snow! Melt the snow!
> 
> It's showing no signs of stopping  
> The flakes just keep on dropping  
> Since there's no more mistletoe  
> Melt the snow! Melt the snow! Melt the snow!
> 
> And if you drag me out tonight  
> I really hate going out in the cold  
> Even if you hold me tight  
> I'll run back home and be warm
> 
> The heater is slowly dying  
> And to stall, we're still good-bying  
> So God if you love me so  
> Melt the snow! Melt the snow! MELT THE SNOW!


	22. The Winter Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 4-6-13
> 
> Okay, so I just got back from watching 'Captain America: The Winter Soldier' with my sister and my friends and her siblings in their friends. We took up nearly the entire center row, but that's not the point. The point is, I came home EXTREMELY hyper and brimming with excitement over how AMAZING this movie was! Of course my sister went ons walk with Dad once we came home, and I REALLY needed to get my energy out! Seriously, I've all ready run practically every step after I left the theater...

Me: Let me make this clear: in case you didn't read the author's note up there, if you haven't seen The Winter Soldier yet, you should probably hang tight till the next chapter. Seriously, if you're not gone by the time I'm done talking here, the entire plot will be revealed. The movie will be spoiled. Are you still here? Shoo!

Tony: Oh stop being so cautious. They're gone by now.

Me: I just don't want to spoil its total awesome amazingness to them.

Tony: That still doesn't...wait, awesome amazingness?

Me: *Fangirl squeal* BEST. MOVIE. EVER! (Starts running around screaming in excitement)

(Other Avengers enter the room)

Me: *Gasp* (Runs over to Steve and pounces on him, hugging him hard) Poor Stevie! You need a hug!

Steve: *Looks uncomfortable* Um...

Me: I can't believe you sacrificed yourself in both your movies! That's SO brave! I'm REALLY REALLY glad you didn't actually die this time! Bucky saved you! Did you know that? He's starting to know who he is again!

Steve: *Looks shocked* He did? He is?

Me: (Lets go of Steve and starts jumping up and down, clapping hands together) Yes! (Whirls toward Natasha, gasps, and tackles her in a hug) You're amazing too! I can't believe you put all of SHIELD's files including your entire past on the internet to save the world! That was brave too!

Natasha: ...Thanks?

Clint: *Gapes at Natasha* You did WHAT now?

Me: *Glares at Barton and wags a finger at him* Naughty, naughty Hawkeye! Why weren't you there to help?!

Clint: Um...

Me: Never mind, they brought in another bird. Wait a minute... Where's Falcon? Where's Falcon?

(Falcon appears in room)

Falcon: *Blinks* Um...where the heck am I?

Natasha: It's part of being an Avenger. Get used to it.

Falcon: But I'm not an Avenger!

Me: *Glares evilly* Yes. You are.

Falcon: (Backs away, hands held up in surrender) All right, who's the kid?

All Avengers: LONG story.

Me: (Jumps up and hugs Falcon) I LOVE your wings!

Falcon: Um...thanks...?

Me: (Darts around him) On your left!

Falcon: WHAT?! So not fair!

Me: *Cackles madly*

Falcon: (Turns toward Steve) Explanation?

Steve: *Sighs* We're supposedly fictional characters, and they have movies about each of us. What you're a part of right now is called a Random Conversation. (Gestures toward me) This is the moderator. She basically takes us and does whatever she wants with us.

Me: Not true!

Falcon: *Looks skeptical* So by joining you, I'm automatically demoted from human being to fictional character?

Steve: Pretty much.

Falcon: ...Well, that sucks.

Me: I was TOTALLY expecting Tony to show up! I mean, there were so many references to him!

Tony: There were? HA! I've successfully invaded the other movies! Now I can take over the Avengers universe!

(Everyone stares at Tony)

Tony: ...I said that out loud, didn't I?

Me: ...Anyway, anyone else think its really strange and unrealistic that the Avengers never show up in the individual movies to help their teammate with his or her problems? Seriously, Tony, you were mentioned how many times in this movie, and I even saw you and Banner on the targeting computer when they were going to kill all SHIELD threats, and yet you never showed up!

Bruce: That would have been a pretty stupid way to try and take the other guy down...

Tony: What now? What targeting computer?

Me: *Rolls eyes* The one attached to the hovercraft floating in the sky above the world using YOUR repulsor ray technology to kill all SHIELD (aka, Hydra) threats. Duh. You totally almost DIED. Cap saved your butt. Thank him.

Falcon: *Clears throat*

Me: And Falcon. And Natasha. And Fury.

Tony: *Splutters* MY technology?! (Whirls toward Fury) You DIDN'T.

Me: Project Insight. The launching of three upgraded helicarriers loaded to the brim with ammunition. Facial scan, every sensor you can think of, even DNA recognition. Designed to take down terrorists and other dangerous criminals at the flick of a switch. Of course, Hydra, which had been secretly growing within SHIELD ever since it began, was taking it to the next level: neutralizing people based on their electronically pieced together pasts and personalities in the slim case they become a future threat. Stark, of course, was on the list. I didn't get a great look, but there was a lot of referencing to Banner as well, so I think he was on the list, as well as probably all the other Avengers. minus Thor, of course.

Tony: ...Wow... Did not need the lecture...

Me: Sorry! Excited! (Starts jumping up and down on the couch)

Tony: Hey! That couch is expensive! (Hesitates) You know what? Whatever. I do it all the time too.

Me: (In time with bounces) Happy! Hyper! Captain! America! Whee!

Falcon: Is she like this all the time?

Tony: Pretty much.

Me: AM NOT! Sort of... Peggy's still alive! I knew it! SHIELD is gone! Obliterated! Loki's scepter is in the hands of some random German dude! Bad!

All Avengers: WHAT?!

Me: Natasha changed her hairstyle for the third time in four movies! Barton wasn't there! Bucky was the Winter Soldier! Doctor Zola was a computer! Captain got shot three times!

Natasha: What is she doing?

Tony: I think this is what they call 'fangirling.'

Me: Oh my gosh, that movie was so suspenseful! Perfectly executed plot twists! Explosions! Totally awesome ninja fights! Humor! Hey, Cap, you're got a nice sense of sarcasm! You and Tony should be getting along great!

Tony: *Looks shocked* Capsicle...has sarcasm?

Steve: No.

Tony: *Gasps* I can't believe it. Somebody slap me.

(Everyone raises their hand to slap him)

Tony: NO! I WAS KIDDING!

Everyone: Awwwww!

Me: It was all I could do not to cry when Bucky was punching your face in, Steve! I literally had to remind myself to breathe after you fell into the water and practically died, AGAIN! And then Bucky's hand came at your face, and he dragged you onto that island, and...and...I LOVE THIS MOVIE! The critics are stupid for thinking it was drab! Seriously, even my sister couldn't stop talking about it when we got out of the theater, and she is so NOT one to fangirl!

Steve: Could you please stop mentioning Bucky?

Me: Sorry! Oh, and Stan Lee's single line? LAUGHING SO HARD! Way to go, Cap!

(Hill randomly appears)

Hill: Oh, snap...

Me: (Pounces on Hill and hugs her) Hill, you're so sneaky! You saved their butts! You're so cool!

Hill: Um, thanks?

Me: Why the heck did you take a job in Human Resources at Stark Industries? I thought you hated Tony...

Clint: You've been revealing quite a bit of top secret intel over the last few minutes. You're starting to push your luck a little.

Me: *Raises unimpressed eyebrow* All of your little secrets were just posted online. Your point? Ooh, ooh, the whole scene in the mall? That was EPIC! It's like, when that guy leaned in real close to you, Steve, and you thought he recognized you, all he said was 'I've got those same glasses!' Teehee! Okay, you're probably all getting bored to death with my constant fangirling...

Steve: Actually, more like uncomfortable...

Me: Sorry! Anyway, there's NO WAY I'm going to be able to pack my insane love of this movie into one conversation, and I really don't want you guys to die of boredom like I said all ready... I was just REALLY excited!

Tony: Gee, I never would have noticed.

Me: Shut up, Stark. But before I wrap up, there's just one last thing I need to take care of...

(Percy and Annabeth appear in the center of the room)

Percy: Oh great. What are we doing here?

Annabeth: I thought we were getting a break since this was basically a chapter proclaiming Captain America: The Winter Soldier's awesomeness.

Me: It is. But you and Percy have been in every single conversation so far. I didn't want to break that streak.

Percy and Annabeth: *Groan*

Me: Well, now that that's taken care of, bye bye now! Don't forget to include YOUR comments on the movie in a review!


	23. Jellybean's World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 8-14-14
> 
> I am temporarily handing the reins to my brother, jellybean. Yes. I really just did that. I apologize to the demigods and Avengers now, but I'm sure you readers are more than thrilled to have jellybean back in action.
> 
> And now, without further ado, here is the debut chapter of Mr. Jellybean.

(jellybean, Leo, and the Stoll brothers (a.k.a the pranksters) team sneak up to the door of thee avengers tower, each holding a paintball gun loaded with various colors)

jellybean: Okay guys ya ready.

pranksters: (whisper) Yep.

jellybean:(opens the door slightly)

(inside The Avengers and the demigods are lounging on the couch)

Tony: I'm bored.

(pranksters break into the room)

pranksters: ATTACK! (start shooting paintballs).

Tony: What the! (gets shot in the face).

Percy: Hey! (crouches behind the couch as well as everyone else).

(Piper stands up)

Piper: (uses charmspeak) drop em.

pranksters: no!.

Connor: (taunting) we have earplugs.

Travis: (taunting) charmspeak doesn't work on us.

Leo: made them myself.

jellybean: hey guys what color is the ceiling?

Leo: (looks up looks down) white.

jellybean: Wrong (points gun up)(splatters ceiling) its blue.

pranksters: Ha! Ha!

Tony: (says to everyone behind the couch) this ends now (presses a button on his chest, Iron Man suit starts growing out of his chest covering him entirely).

(Tony stands up)

pranksters: gasp (stops firing).

Tony: I believe sombody's already said this, Drop em!

pranksters: Gulp (drop guns).

Tony: Good boys (presses the same button and the Iron Man suit shrinks back into his chest).

Me: HALLO, WORLD!

Everybody: Whaaaat?

Me: I don't know. I just decided to grab the keyboard and pop in randomly. I actually have no idea what's going on.

jellybean: (looks embarrassed) Hi sis.

Me: Wait... Why do you look embarrassed? (Expression hardens) What did you do?

jellybean: funny you should say that...

Me: (Looks around room) What...did...you...do...to...the...studio.

jellybean: he he (gulp).

Me: You know, there's a rule around here: you destroy the studio, you automatically get booted.

jellybean: to bad I'm writing it.

Me: Dude. You're not writing ME. And this is technically still very much my story. I can just take over from here.

jellybean: good point.

Me: Lucky for you, I want to watch Veggie Tales right now with our adorable little cousin. Princess and the Popstar. Readers, don't judge me. I know you probably have your childhood pleasures... Well, bye now! Hecate kids, please fix up the studio.

Hecate Kids: (Fixes up studio)

Me: Thank you. Now I can watch my veggies in peace. (Leaves).

jellybean: now that she's gone... Bob! get over here (snaps fingers).

(Bob a Despicable Me minion appears in the room)

Bob: Hello.

Percy: who the heck are you!?

jellybean: meet my friend Bob. Bob meet everyone.

Bob: Hello.

Percy: Oh its just that. I thought he'd be bigger.

Bob: whaa!

Percy: its just that...(looks guilty) may I be excused for a moment.

jellybean: yes you may (snaps fingers and percy disappears).

Annabeth: he should be fine... just... give him some time.

jellybean: okay (snaps finger)

(Annabeth disappears)

(long pause)

Tony:(stammers) how did you do that.

jellybean: well... you know how my sister snapped and transported you to Times Square Dancing in a chicken suit.

Tony: (scoffs) how could I forget.

Leo: I'd say.

jellybean: well she has the power to control this conversation and do whatever she wants to it. So me being her brother i can control do that to.

Tony: ah.

jellybean: would you like me to show yo how (grins evilly).

Tony: (backs away slowly) no thank you.

jellybean: i'll show it to you anyway (snaps fingers).

POOF

(everyone transports a new studio with LED lights on the everywhere with TVs, IPads, and everything Hi-tech you could think of)

everyone: Whoah!

jellybean: Welcome to my new studio, notice how I said my.

Tony: yes.

jellybean: that's because it is mine your free to look around if you want.

Leo: hey! is helped build it.

jellybean: Right, sorry.

Leo: its fine.

Pranksters - Leo: how come you never told us about this.

jellybean: because I don't know.

(everyone leaves)

Bob: Banana?

jellybean: Yes Bob Banana (snaps finger, banana appears in Bob's hands);

Bob: Banana! (peels banana, eats it whole, throws the banana peel in the trash) Ah... (speak in minioneese) eh, guys guys Banana! (bunch of other minions run into the room and form a line in front of jellybean).

jellybean:(puts head in hand) oh Bob oh Bob, banana room is there go get your bananas.

Bob:(says to minion next to him in minioneese), banana ki.

minion next to bob: no no no, banana doy.

Bob: ah, banana doy.

jellybean: no "banana room".

Bob: da da da banana BTH (minions leave).

jellybean: ha ha de-ja-vu. okay time to get everybody (snaps fingers).

(everyone appears)

jellybean: so how was it.

pranksters: this place is awesome.

Leo: we even have our own rooms.

jellybean: so who's hungry.

everyone: sort of.

jellybean: okay there's some snacks on the table.

(everyone walks to the table except the prankster team)

jellybean: (says quietly to the pranksters), did you get the note?

pranksters:(grins) Yep.

jellybean: start operation Multi-Colored mayhem.

Connor: (pulls a remote out of his pocket with a big red button on it).

jellybean: 3...2...1...now.

(Connor presses the button)

(rainbow paint dumps down on everyone at the table)

(pranksters laugh)

Me: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! I'm back! Wha's goin' on? (Stops. Stares.) Never mind the how, or the why; where is my camera?

Random person: (Hands me camera)

Me: Thank you. (Starts snapping pictures.) Okay. Now WHAT THE HADES HAPPENED HERE?!

jellybean: good bye. (prankster team leaves)

Me: Okay... Um...since I literally have no idea what's going on right now, and we're kinda in a hurry so I can't read back and get context, I think I'm just going to wrap this up now... Bye bye!


	24. One Last Hurrah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 8-19-15
> 
> WARNING: Brief, but big "Age of Ultron" spoilers in the following chapter. Read at your own risk.

Me: Well... It's been awhile. Um... This is awkward...

(Becomes aware of loud snoring)

Me: Er...hello? Who's there?

(Snoring continues)

Tony: *Snorts* No one's here. We're all sleeping.

Me: Oh. Okay. (Starts to leave) Hey...wait a second. (Points accusing finger at Tony) How can you not be here, and be asleep at the same time?

Tony: Because that's what people say when they're ignoring you.

Me: Well, that's not very nice.

Tony: Who said anything about nice?

Steve: Okay, Stark, knock it off.

Tony: *Angrily* Why? She just up and left us to our own devices again for over a YEAR. And you expect me to accept the fact that she's traipsing into the room like nothing ever happened?

Me: Hey! That's not fair! I know I stink at updates, but—

Tony: No buts! You've been ignoring us and your faithful readers! Your pitiful excuses will no sway me!

Me: *Desperate* I know! It wasn't fair to you guys, and I'm sorry. I should never have dropped a story like this... Even if that's what's happened to all my chapter stories...

Tony: Guilty as charged!

Me: Yes! Guilty! But I swear I will NEVER start a chapter fic again without finishing it first!

Tony: Too late. Damage has been done. Avengers, we out.

(Avengers start toward door)

Me: Hey! This can't be the end of our final conversation! Arguing is boring!

(Avengers stop leaving)

Tony: Wait, what?

Clint: Our LAST conversation?

Thor: What is the meaning of this?

Me: Um...well...thisisgoingtobethelastconversationbecauseI'mnotreallyinterestedanymoreand—

Leo: Whoa! (Holds hands up in a timeout gesture) Slow down, chica!

Me: *Uncomfortably* Well, I've decided that this is going to be the last conversation because...I've kinda lost interest—

All: WHAT?!

Me: Hear me out! I still love you guys, but I've kinda moved on. Part of it is I'm interested in new fandoms now, and the other is...this story's getting kinda random, even for me. It's become a fangirl rant blog, and I think it would be best to close up a story "at it's peak," you might say.

Percy: I guess...that makes sense.

Me: Plus, I am a very unreliable updater and I'm tired of leaving people hanging unnecessarily. I've decided to close it up properly with a final conversation and not randomly change this story to complete. (Looks around nervously) Please don't hate me?

All: ...

Leo: Nah, we don't hate you.

Piper: Whoever gave you that idea?

Me: *Grins* Awesome! Now that that boring part is done and over with, it's time to end this properly: RANDOM CONVERSATIONS STYLE!

All: YAY!

(Streamers, confetti, and various rubber chickens go flying into the air. Bronze balloons tie themselves to random objects, including Leo's curly hair (EEP!), and food and drink randomly appear on the countertop.)

Me: Woo, that was fast. Great job, every... Rubber chickens? Who put THOSE in the confetti cannon?!

Travis, Connor, and jellybean: *Cheerfully* Guilty as charged!

Me: Ugh. I should've known you'd crash the final party, bro.

Jellybean: And I'm back Jack!

Me: And quoting Duck Dynasty... Wonderful...

Jellybean: That's not Duck Dynasty! It's just some phrase.

Me: Whatever. I say Duck Dynasty.

Leo: Alright, break it up! "This can't be our final conversation! Arguing is boring!"

Tony: HA! Eat your words!

Thor: You cannot eat words. They do no have substance.

Tony: Well, of course I know that. It's just an expression!

Me: Okay, okay, we're all hypocrites! Party now, argue later!

Leo: I agree with este niña. ¡HASTA LA FIESTA!

Me: Si, mi hombre muy caliente. ¡Vamanos!

Leo: ¡Ai! ¡Tú hablas español?

Me: Si. Fui una clase de español para tres años.

Leo: Muy bueno. ¿Y estas fluencia?

Frank: Er... Anyone understand what they're saying?

All: Nope!

Thalia: All right, you weirdos! It's time to get this thing going!

(Rock music blares, disco lights flare, and everyone stares)

Percy: Sooooo...now what?

Steve: I'm not sure. We haven't done this in awhile...

Piper: Well, somebody think of something! This is going to be the worst farewell party ever if we don't do something entertaining.

Jellybean: PAINTBALL FIGHT!

(Starts firing randomly at everybody)

Me: GOOD! I was starting to think you were dead or something, going this long without being random...

Jellybean: (Stops firing paint balls) Right... (Starts again)

Tony, Leo, and Stolls: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! (Pick up paintball guns and join the general chaos)

Me: (Ducks behind table in time to avoid pink splatter) Maybe I take that back...

Rest of people: YA THINK?!

(Everyone besides the Paintball Pirates huddles behind the minibar)

Me: ...So...while we wait, anyone want to hear how my sister and I saw "Age of Ultron" in theaters three times?

Tony: *GASPS* YOU REALLY DO CARE!

Me: Um...yeah. Of course I do.

Tony: Wasn't it awesome how I took down Hulk? I mean, no offense to Brucie here, but that was EPIC. Like, I took down the BIG GREEN guy, you know?

Steve: And destroyed an entire building in the process...

Tony: Hey! It was UNDER CONSTRUCTION. Only half a building.

Me: Actually, I only have one thing to say...

All: (Lean in anticipation)

Me: *WAILS* QUICKSILVER! NO! WHHYYYYYYY! (Curls up into the fetal position, sobbing)

Clint: Man, that stupid kid. What was he thinking, jumping in front of a bunch of bullets like that?

Me: I KNOW. WHY COULDN'T HE HAVE JUST USED HIS FREAKY DEAKY (AMAZING) SPEEDY POWERS TO MOVE THE BULLETS AWAY LIKE HE DID IN X-MEN?!

Avengers: X-MEN?!

Me: Forget I said that! On a much MUCH happier note... (Tackles Clint in a bear hug) YOU HAVE A WIFE! AND KIDS! ThatissosweetIcan'tevenImeansureIwasuosetforahalfsecondbecauseIreallywantedtoseeyouandNatashatogetherbutthenyourkidsrunitandmyheartmeltedandI'mtotallyokaywithitnow!

Clint: Um...translation?

Natasha: She shipped us, but when she found out you had kids she was fine.

Clint: Ah. Thanks.

Jellybean: Way to fangirl sis.

Me: And PROUD of it! Hey, speaking of which... VISION! WHERE ARE YOU?

Vision: (Floats to other side of mini bar) Hello. You require my services?

Me: (Shakes Vision's hand vigorously) You are so cool! Like, Jarvis in a superhuman body! AND YOU CAN LIFT THOR'S HAMMER.

Leo: *Snickers* Elevator's not worthy!

Jellybean: We should try that, see what happens.

Me: Okay, I actually agree with that. Just one more thing: OHMYGOSH, STEVE, YOU WERE SO CLOSE TO PICKING UP THE HAMMER AND THOR'S FACE WAS LIKE, "HOLY CRAP, HE'S GONNA RULE ASGARD," AND THEN THE HAMMER DIDN'T MOVE AND HE SMILED COCKILY.

Steve: *Shoots Thor a curious look* YOU were worried?

Thor: *Splutters indignantly* Of course I wasn't worried! I am clearly the only one worthy of holding this hammer—

Jellybean: *Cough* Besides Vision.

Leo: And potentially the elevator!

Thor: Which are inanimate objects that do not count!

Tony: *Sing song* Oooh, I think someone's a little touchy about his hammer.

(Suddenly Pineapples)

Jellybean: (snickers) ASDF.

Me: (MASSIVE FACE PALM) No. Just...no.

Thor: I do not understand... What is with the sudden abundance of tropical fruit?

Me: You don't wanna know... Seriously, you don't... NO. I SEE THAT TURTLE, YOUNG MAN, NOT ONE STEP CLOSER.

Mine Turtle: Hello!

Jellybean: Fine, Hey Tony is there a testing lab here?

Tony: Pshaw! A testing lab? Of course not! There's an entire floor dedicated to R&D, massive screens, various doohickeys that I don't feel like explaining, and about 20 hot rods conveniently parked next to the testing floor.

Jellybean: Um... Is that a yes?

Tony: WELL, DUH.

Jellybean: Cool, come on guys!

(Leo, Stolls, and Jellybean run out)

Tony: Hey, aren't I invited? It's MY lab!

(Troublesome Five (now Four) ignore him)

Tony: ...Since when is this fair?

Me: Those guys are worse than the Marauders...

Jason: The who?

Me: Er...nothing!

Annabeth: Hey...you never did tell us which fandoms you replaced us with, Rascal.

Me: I did not replace you! And it doesn't really matter.

Tony: Yeah, I think it does. I want to know which so-called "hero" thinks he can surpass my awesomeness.

Me: Well...it's actually several...over the past couple years...

Clint: Yes? Like what?

Me: The first one was Young Justice... That was two Januarys ago, when I was still writing this story.

Tony: Well, that one was obviously not awesome enough to overtake us since you kept writing. Kid heroes? Give me a break.

Demigods: *Glare*

Annabeth: And what's wrong with "kid heroes"?

Tony: *Oblivious* Not to mention that they're DC heroes. Total opposite there. Well? Keep 'em coming.

Me: Um...er...that one sorta segued into...well...

Tony: Yes?

Me: ...Batman.

(Beat of silence)

Tony: WHAT?! You gave me up for my DC COUNTERPART?!

Natasha: Don't be ridiculous, Tony. It's not like she traded us for the Justice League.

Me: ...Yeah. Something like that... And Tony, I swear it wasn't because of Batman. It was the Robins.

Steve: Batman and Robin?

Me: *Nods*

Tony: Well, rather him than me. I don't have to deal with some bratty teenager, hence why I'm better. Wait...ROBINS? As in PLURAL?

Me: Er...yeah. There's actually five Robins. I hated to find that out at first. I swore Dickiebird was the best and the only Robin EVER. But now... *Dreamy sigh* I love them ALL. I actually switched from Young Justice to Batman because of the Robins. When the second season introduced grownup Robin (aka Nightwing) and Tim Drake as Robin, I got curious. Although I LOVE Dick Grayson as Robin in the first season. He's still my favorite Robin. Barely... Damian's a close second. And Timmy's like, right there. And Jason. GAH, I can't decide!

Tony: Wait wait wait... There are HOW many Robins?

Me: Five, if you count the female. Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Damian Wayne; in that order.

Tony: ...That's a lot of kids.

Me: All adopted! Except Damian, of course.

Tony: Wait... Batman has a KID?!

Clint: Seeing as the kid's name is Damian WAYNE, I'd say so, yes.

Me: All right, time out! As much as I'd love to continue this little chat, that is entirely the wrong fandom at the moment!

Tony: *Huffs* Any OTHER usurping fandoms we should know about? I mean, you've betrayed us enough already by choosing DC over Marvel...

Me: Hey, Marvel rocks the movie world. DC just...rocks everything else. ANYWAY, final fandom... Anyone have a guess?

Annabeth: I already know.

Percy: You do?

Annabeth: *Rolls her eyes* She said MARAUDERS, Seaweed Brain.

Percy: Er...and the Marauders are...who?

Me: Unnecessary drumroll, please!

(Unnecessary drumroll)

Me: And the latest and (not quite) greatest fandom in my repertoire is...HARRY POTTER! Were any of your surprised?

Annabeth: Nope.

Hazel and Thor: What is Harry Potter?

Percy: Hey...isn't that OUR opposite fandom?

Me: Yes and no. Anyway, SEVEN BOOKS. EIGHT MOVIES. THREE WEEKS. Once my mom gave me permission and I got my hands on the books, I could NOT stop. And that's with vacation and math still rammed in there. Also including half a week off while waiting for the third book to come in. Personally, I'm impressed I finished so fast without reading 24/7. Course it helped that while my family watched the movies WITHOUT me, I could read for nearly three hours straight without interruption before bed...

Annabeth: *Wistfully* I wish I could read that fast. Dyslexia is Hades sometimes.

Frank: Oh, I've read Harry Potter. Those were pretty good.

Percy: How...? Oh yeah. No dyslexia. Right.

Me: Hence the Marauders reference! Although I think the Stolls are more like Fred and George, don'tcha think?

Travis Stoll: (Over PA) That was the plan!

Connor Stoll: (Over PA) In fact, we consider them our ever loving role models!

All: (Jumps to their feet)

Piper: Oh no. I forgot we left them alone in the lab. This can't be—

(MASSIVE EXPLOSION ROCKS THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE TOWER)

Jellybean: (Bursts into room) Operation Jellybelly Initiate!

(Tens of thousands of Jellybeans start pouring out of the air vents)

Jellybean: And that's my cue to leave (snaps fingers and dissapears)

Me: HEY! YOU DON'T HAVE AN APPARATING LICENSE YET!

Piper: I don't think he needs one...

Me: No dip, Sherlock!

Mine Turtle: (Over PA) Hello!

Me: Crap! I thought that's what exploded in R&D

Tony: MY PRECIOUS LAB! Avengers, FIND THAT MINE TURTLE! (Marches out of room)

All: (Stares)

Tony: (Pokes head around doorframe) Demigods, too!

All: (Proceeds to run around tower in search of Mine Turtle.

(Meanwhile, back in Studio Jellybean)

Jellybean, Stolls, and Leo: (Crazed laughter)

(Back at Avengers Tower, everyone is collapsed in the living room after six hours fruitless searching)

Tony: (Pacing fretfully) Where could it be? We've looked everywhere! I even checked all the cars...

Hazel: It has to be around here somewhere.

Percy: Er...guys? (Points at ground under Tony's foot)

Mine Turtle: Hello!

Tony: (Steps on turtle)

Annabeth: MR. STARK, DON'T MOVE YOUR FOOT!

Tony: (Freezes. Stares down at turtle. Swears profusely.)

(Everyone wait. Mine Turtle doesn't explode.)

Annabeth: *Breaths shakily* It's a Mine Turtle. Mines don't go off until your foot is off the trigger. So as long as you stay exactly where you are, Mr. Stark, you'll be fine.

Tony: *Splutters* But I can't stand here for the rest of my life! What if the world needs me? What would Pepper think?

Annabeth: I didn't say you had to stay there forever. We just need someone to diffuse it for us.

Percy: I don't suppose you know how to deactivate a bomb, Wise Girl?

Annabeth: Nope. But I know someone who does...

Piper: Let me guess...

Jason: Leo Valdez.

Annabeth: Precisely.

Percy: Uh, tiny problem: Where is Leo?

Me: With my brother and the Stolls in his secret lair.

Percy: Great. Now we have to find a secret lair.

Me: Not if I know where to look...

(Meanwhile, at Studio Jellybean)

Jellybean: Pulling that stunt was epic

Stolls: Totally!

Leo: Yeah. Except did we have to blow up the R&D lab? That place was almost as cool as Bunker 9...

Jellybean: Well Bunker 9 still is cooler

Leo: Yeah, but...that had to be pretty expensive. Who's gonna pay damages.

Tony: (Looms behind them) Well, the perpetrators, of course!

Troublesome Four: YEEK!

Leo: We're sorry! I'm sorry! I swear it wasn't my idea, that place was too cool to destroy! Oh, and lookout! They released another one of those turtles and— (Stops and stares at Tony's foot) Um...what's on your foot, Mr. Stark?

Tony: (Huffs angrily over Mine Turtle duct taped to his foot) What does it looks like?!

Mine Turtle: Hello!

Piper: *Charmspeak* All of your stay exactly where you are.

Troublesome Four: (Nod dazedly)

Piper: *Still charmspeak* Very good. Now Leo, why don't you disarm that turtle on Mr. Stark's foot? There's a good boy.

Leo: (Disarms turtle on Tony's foot)

Jellybean: you did know that was a fake right.

Me: As fake as the one that BLEW UP THE R&D LAB?! Mass destruction is NOT a funny prank! Even the Marauders knew that, and before you bring it up, Fred and George's escapade was highly justified!

Jellybean: It WAS a fake you know, the real ones are in the white room next to the jellybean factory and the minion room.

Me: OKAY, they are hereby confiscated, and we're going back to the tower!

Jellybean: WHAT! You can't just take away the turtles, they're "mine"... He he oops

Me: (FACE PALM) Right, back to the tower with you. Everybody, grab hands.

All: (Grasp hands)

Me: Three, two, one... (Appears in Avengers Tower)

Jellybean: *Whispers* Let's go.

Irksome Four: (Start sneaking from the room)

Me: HEY. THAT'S ENOUGH MISCHIEF FROM YOU FOUR. BACK HERE, RIGHT NOW.

Irksome Four: (Slink back reluctantly)

Me: All right, y'all. As fun as this has been, all good things must come to an end. I believe it's time for me to take my leave.

All: NOOOOOO!

Tony: I don't want to go!

Me: Well, that sounds familiar...

Hazel: Do we have to stop? Despite all of the things Jellybean and crew have done, this has really been a fun experience...

Me: M'sorry, guys. I really am. I just can't keep this story up anymore. But...

(Everyone (including readers) lean in closely)

Me: This story might live on.

Percy: Really? How?

Me: Well, Jellybean is probably going to get a Fanfiction account here soon. And he's readily agreed to take over the story.

Annabeth: Oh no... I don't like the sound of that.

Stolls: Sounds GREAT to me!

Tony: Well, if he refrains from blowing up anything else without my express permission... I suppose that's okay.

Me: Also, I'm considering starting a new story called "Fandom Conversations" on AO3.

Hazel: What's the difference between Random Conversations and Fandom Conversations?

Me: Fandom Conversations will have a lot more fandoms, including, but not limited to, DC Comics, Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Ranger's Apprentice, and others. They will also not be all at once because that would be confusing even for me, and I think I'll attempt more of a story format over a skit format. So it would be a series of crossovers focusing on similar characters from different fandoms and parallel plot lines. No guarantees on anything.

Tony: Well you'd better decide quick. I don't think I can take the suspense!

Natasha: So over dramatic...

Me: Well, that's really all I have to say. So...so long, everyone?

All: Bye!

Tony: I won't say I'll miss you more than I'll miss this!

Me: Gee, thanks...

Jellybean: now let's end it in a bang shall we (takes a trigger out of his pocket, presses button).

Tony and I: NOOOOOOOOOO!

(Fireworks light the sky with various colors)

Me: OOOOOOOO... Oh. That's actually...nice.

(Spells out words: Farewell, friends!)

All: Byyyyyeeee!

(Me: Because everyone loves a cheesy ending.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last note: I am sorry to say that the forum is going to be deleted. It was fun while it lasted, but it's kind of died and I don't have the time to run it properly anymore. Sorry!


End file.
